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juanita_de_paola_may2013

Ho parcheggiato dove c’entrano due macchine, così non devo fare marcia indietro: non ho mai capito in quale secondo devo sterzare e come fare a pianificare l’eventuale controsterzata. Ricordo che il signore della scuola guida me lo faceva capire girando la testa di scatto, ma lui è morto e comunque è dal ’93 che non lo vedo. Quindi parcheggio se e solo se ci sono venti metri di lunghezza e posto per un camion di porchetta di lato, se no preferisco glissare e cercare uno spiazzo, un campo, una pista di atterraggio. Non me ne vergogno, in fin dei conti so suonare molte canzoni ad orecchio e fare la verticale.

Parcheggio davanti alla mescita, quindi. Sono le ore diciannove secche e il mio io-intransigente mi autorizza a bere un bicchiere di vino, il primo, a quest’ora. Non ne posso avere più fino alle otto. Il mio io-calvinista è il migliore amico del mio io-svaccato e sono entrambi potenti: sono arrivati ad un patto di stabilità invidiabile e io do retta a tutti e due, sempre. Nessuna eccezione, mai, perché i viziosi si lasciano andare una volta e le dighe crollano, come nel Vajont – noi, non possiamo proprio. Non si beve a mezzogiorno, per esempio, non si smette di lavorare prima delle sette, non si indulge nel letto, non si lasciano correre le emails senza rispondere, non si lascia la stanza senza avere messo tutto perbene. Alla stessa maniera non si risponde al telefono la domenica, non si lascia che alcuno interrompa la nostra gioia – la mia, quella di ego-uno e quella di ego-due – o ci faccia una cattiva sorpresa. Daltronde chi ci vuole bene ci capisce così come siamo, gli altri vanno tenuti alla larga, con le loro emergenze, con le loro cose dette e non dette che si risolvono solo se li ascolti per ore, con le loro paturnie che riversano nel proprio diametro ansiogeno di cui entri a fare parte senza averlo chiesto.

Scendo dalla macchina, la ragazza con l’anello al naso e i denti beije mi individua, mi chiama, mi sorride. Ha gli occhi rossi, non ha un io-intransigente, lei, mi sa. Mi chiama col mio nome e io la richiamo con il nome di tutti quelle che incontro – eilà carissima – di cui non rammento l’esistenza nella mia vita. Mi avvicino.

E il biondo come sta?”, dice.

E penso all’inglese, ai suoi capelli rossicci che negli anni sono stati biondi, bianchi, marroni, striati, neri.

Non è biondo“, dico. “Biondiccio, dai“. Annuisco. Sorrido, Juanita ricordati di sorridere quando ti salutano, è così che si fa. E’ che avevo pensato di sedermi dentro e non dire niente a nessuno, di bere un gotto di vino beandomi della faccia di mezza pinta e i discorsi dell’altra mia piccola, che tanto piccina non è più ma è lo stesso. Ma la mia faccia scura fa presagire una cosa brutta, e la mia amica si fa tragica, con le sopracciglia arrotolate:

No, scusami, ma … tutto a posto? Dai, non mi dire?!…

No“, dico, “ma che scherzi, siamo a posto, tutti assieme“. Risata per sfogare la tensione. Segue silenzio. Segue ti vedo bene. Segue stammi bene. Tutto il bene. Basta che tu mi faccia levare di qui.

Me lo ricordo ancora quando aveva un ciuffo in testa e il pannolone“, chiosa, ubriaca.

Cacchio, penso, pensare che io non mi ricordo niente di questa qui, ma conosce l’Inglese da quando in Ohio aveva il pamper e la crestina. Ma cosa sto pensando? Ma cosa sta dicendo?

“Non credo che si parli della stessa persona, vero?”, dico – E lei: “no“.

Concludo che parlava di mia figlia, che è una lei ma da piccini i bambini sembrano tutti uguali e tutti unisex, mentre apro la tendina della mescita e mi fiondo al tavolino più lontano dalla gente, le persone, maledico quelli che ti rivolgono la parola quando la mezza memoria che fa acqua ha preso il sopravvento, e poi mi scappa da ridere, da morire dal ridere, a pensare a quello spilungone del mio fidanzato con un pannolone, che corre con la cresta bionda a Montecatini Alto. Rido finchè non mi vengono i crampi, per quasi un’ora.

Non mi ricordo ancora chi è quella ragazza, e sono due settimane che ci penso.

juanita

50% business, 50% eggs benedict

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