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Devo molto alla moglie dell’inglese, presto (?) ex moglie: lo ha preparato come un allenatore atletico alla sua seconda vita – spero ultima, quella con me. Questo vuole dire che lo ha patito come un difetto congenito quando beveva, diventava molesto, rientrava tardi e spendeva piu’ del previsto – l’inglese non fa parte della schiera dei probi viri, direi piuttosto che e’ un vero ragazzaccio,  o piu’ semplicemente un uomo egoista quanto divertente. Lo ha menato, non abbastanza secondo me, e gli ha buttato i vestiti nella spazzatura quando li trovava appallottolati nell’armadio comune. Ha anche cercato di strozzarlo e ha passato settimane, anni d’inferno cercando di piegare quel filo di piombo liquido. Lui l’ha tradita, lei lo ha tradito, si sono riappacificati, hanno deciso di figliare, poi nulla, insomma hanno vissuto tutto il repertorio comune.

Ci siamo conosciute in un hotel, mi pare il Metropolitan, e lei indossava scarpe rosse col tacco mezzo, aveva il ginocchio fine e le gambe lunghe – dettagli che l’inglese aveva volutamente nascondermi per non fare nascere il senso di competizione o, piu’ verosimilmente, frustrazione. Balbettava, lo fa sempre quando e’ nervosa, ed era un palmo di mano piu’ alta di me. Poi mi sono ricordata di avere i tacchi: due palmi di mano. Ero incinta, all’epoca, con un discreto buzzotto, e avevo appena incontrato tutto il di lei passato: i loro amici di prima, le coppie che tradiscono lei e rimangono attaccate a lui, quelli famosi, quelli di quindici anni di loro due assieme. Avevo dormito a casa di G, la sua amica del cuore, e cenato in tutti i ristoranti in cui lui l’aveva portata. Lui l’aveva fatto apposta, of course, gli uomini fanno il taglia incolla esistenziale con grande talento.

La conversazione era stata un po’ freddina, ma avevo letto cose buone e lei pure. Le avevo detto: vi lascio da soli, avrete tante cose di cui parlare, e poi mi ero andata a strafogare di cioccolata alla mostra. Ripensandoci puo’ una mostra essere edibile? Era stato il primo incontro, poi ci eravamo viste di nuovo finche’ alla fine era scoppiato l’amore e avevo capito di preferire lei a lui: piu’ compassionevole, piu’ diretta, piu’ pratica. Sarei andata in vacanza con lei, non con lui. Difatti era venuta parecchie volte a casa mia in Toscana, e una sera che l’inglese era rientrato in condizioni poco raccomandabili alle sei del mattino l’avevamo riempito di cazzotti assieme, cosi’ come si fa nelle famiglie allargate perbene. Il giorno dopo gli avevamo lasciato il brodo pronto ed eravamo andate per musei: lei odia quello che io amo, uno spasso.

Nel corso della nostra unione a delinquere ho chiesto all’inglese un’unica condizione: sincerita’ assoluta. Non credo che dire la verita’ dura e pura sia un valore in se’, e in genere se ne fregia chi non ha molto da accettare, ma so che quando ami qualcuno lo vuoi (devi) proteggere dalle sorprese, dalle figuracce: dimmi tutto quello che hai combinato, quello che non sveleresti nemmeno sotto tortura. Dammi tutto il bagaglio lurido, e’ con quello che partiamo.  E cosi’ e’ stato: ce le siamo dette, subito, tutte. E questo mi ha aiutato parecchio ogni volta in cui mi hanno punzecchiato a sangue, come fanno quassu’, con il sorriso sulle labbra e gli occhi chiusi a mezza luna, in un atteggiamento pseudo protettivo. Ho una risposta unica per le stoccate, ed e’ sempre “so tutti i particolari, lo trovo eccitante a dire la verita’”. Piano piano hanno smesso di rivelarmi quello che sapevo gia’ e mi hanno fatto entrare nelle discussioni senza cercare di tagliarmi le gambe: avere una vita sociale soddisfacente, interessante, e’ irrinunciabile alla soglia dei quaranta.

L’inglese ha visto sbudellare il mio intestino (tenue e crasso credo), durante il cesareo, e il mio grosso grasso culo nudo andare su e giu’ nel capitolo piu’ animale della mia esistenza: il travaglio. Mi ha visto piangere per il dolore delle puppe gonfie di latte e ha avuto il privilegio di osservarmi urlare come un cane selvatico a delle mutande lasciate in terra. L’ho assistito nella sua stitichezza ospedaliera post operatoria e l’ho visto andare in depressione violenta quando ha perso il lavoro: non c’e’ niente che mi preoccupi nel futuro, non c’e’ niente che non sappia o non abbia visto – e viceversa.

Eppure ho una convinzione: conosco, del suo cuore, un millimetro quadro. Dei suoi sogni, avanzi e bricioline. Se qualcuno un giorno tornasse a casa con una foto di lui quando era una donna, potrei solo dire “a questo non c’avevo pensato”. Se un giorno bussasse alla porta un bambino che gli somiglia penserei “ma quando ha trovato il tempo e,soprattutto, i soldi”. La domanda che non mi farei mai sarebbe: ma come e’ possibile. Tutto e’ probabile, tutto e’ ammissibile, ogni cosa puo’ accadere – e l’amore non ha nessun controllo su questo, la nostra mente non modifica gli eventi. Siamo tutti capaci di costruire un mondo parallelo in cui difenderci da quel linguaggio familiare che ci inebetisce, da quelle concessioni emotive che doniamo e togliamo senza merito o motivo. E difatti, quando una storia lunga finisce, il problema vero e’ riappropriarsi del vocabolario per esprimersi fuori dal contesto protetto: si diventa di nuovo one in a million – e non c’e’ piu’ quell’altro che ti dice che non e’ vero.

Avere un mondo laterale, selvaggio, basico, aiuta a portare contenuti in quello quotidiano fatto di lavoro e di famiglia: non siamo stati generati per quest’ultimo, ma e’ quello abbiamo imparato a fare, cosi’ come il pesce pilota pulisce i denti al pescecane. Ci salva, il nostro giardino segreto, quando scopriamo che il tenero marito che pareva pensare solo alle esche amava in realta’ vestirsi di lattice e aveva una padrona, o che la moglie che abbiamo tradito con sensi di colpa si faceva pagare per farsi vedere nuda online, su un circuito rumeno. Ci fa sopravvivere, quando uno di nostri cari muore o si ammala terribilmente, perche’ nel mondo selvaggio c’e’ solo oggi sono qui, domani non si sa, e finche’ non si muore si vive. E’ una fonte d’acqua cristallina, che va a bagnare la spiaggia del nostro ordinario rendendola feconda, e che va difesa a tutti i costi: gli uomini lo sanno fare, le donne ancora no. Quasi per niente.

Un buon modo di fuggire questo oblio possibile, la perdita del nostro paradiso in terra, e’ abbracciare il passato di chi ci prepariamo ad amare e accondiscendere alle magagne presenti di chi amiamo da molto tempo – causa affezione o parentela. Che ci sia comprensione, massima. Di modo che quando impazziremo noi stessi e decideremo di appoggiare un culto vegano-buddista, qualcuno ci rimarra’ accanto e, se ce la mandano buona, provera’ a mangiare i fili d’erba con noi. Da qui la solidarnosc con la futura ex moglie, tante le volte: brucare in solitudine puo’ essere parecchio triste.

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