Indosso le mutande dei miei fidanzati, perche’ si trovano con facilita’ al mercato in puro cotone in pacchi da venti a cinquanta centesimi e, come tutte le cose brutte, tendono ad essere ritrovate nel solito posto in numero maggiore a quello originale. Indossavo anche quelle di mio padre (prima ) perche’ giacevano in un cassetto alto stirate e riposte da mamma, ed erano sicuramente piu’ allettanti delle mie, appallottolate in qualche angolo dell’armadio. Oltretutto io e mio padre abbiamo condiviso a lungo lo stesso punto vita.
Invidiavo (prima) la liberta’ dei maschi, che possono indossare biancheria orripilante senza che nessuno ne faccia un dramma, e me la sono accaparrata. Come pure ho copiato la tecnica di mandare mia madre alla guerra con l’ordine “va e trovami qualcosa che mi stia bene, qualunque cosa, ho una cena di lavoro”.
La mia povera mamma e’ quindi diventata stylist suo malgrado, peraltro con pochissima soddisfazione povera santa – il solo provarmi un abito mi da’ la nausea tipo visita ginecologica. Mamma mi ha riempito di un-pezzo-non-si-deve-stirare in tutti i toni che stanno fra il nero e il tortora, giacche’ i colori artificiali mi danno l’ansia.
Per qualcuno l’essere moda-repellenti e’ un pregio, io me ne vergogno. Al punto che qualche volta azzardo qualche accostamento speranzoso che mi sembra azzeccato, col risultato che mia sorella mi pone un maglione sulle spalle a coprire i risultati o il mio fidanzato mi porta in un cocktail bar per prostitute, dove non si fa molto caso allo stile. Tutti mi regalano vestiti e spazzole per lisciarsi i capelli, col risultato che quando ho due cose addosso che vanno d’accordo tutti mi fanno brava Juany, guarda come stai bene quando ti vesti a modino.
Io leggo le rubriche sui giornali che mi piacciono tanto, ad esempio 24, e non mi capacito di essere stata condannata all’essere donna, con tutti questi ciondoli da coordinare alle unghie e ai foulards, con il senso dello stile che cambia ogni due minuti e io sto ancora lavorando sul mio senso estetico della seconda media. Ho lo stesso bikini verde bottiglia da circa quindici anni, ma solo perche’ se entro in un negozio di costumi mi confondo e finisco per comprarne uno col sospensorio.
Forse ho una sola speranza, che e’ quella di declinarmi all’eco compatibile: con 2 nuovi capi d’abbigliamento l’anno, 1 paio di scarpe a stagione e una spesa media procapite giornaliera di 5 euro (caffe’, giornale, toast e gottino di vino al circolo arci alle 19), senza macchina perche’ l’idea di un bollo e di un’assicurazione a intervalli regolari mi fanno venire le bolle e in co-housing da quando ho diciotto anni, posso sperare di morire non avendo gravato questa terra di un grande peso.
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