Juanita de Paola

Aridatece l’ascella.

Ma nemmeno piu’ l’odore si puo’ avere?


Fra i personaggi a me più invisi in questa vita stanno in vetta alla classifica del mio personale sgradimento i pubblicitari, stolidi interpreti dell’uomo comune, di cui in genere possono solo invidare le maggiori capacità intellettive. Fra questi ce n’è un gruppo che, ancor di più, suscita le mie reazioni piu’ bieche, e sono quelli dedicati al pianeta donna: bugiardi, insinuatori, pittori di icone irreali e persino pericolose, sciorinatori di sequenze che giocano nei terreni piu’ brulli dell’emozionale, approfittano dei prodotti da promuovere per incatenarci e farci sentire brutte, grasse, in pericolo. Infasil, ad esempio, ci allerta: attenta, in un attimo puoi rovinare tutto. Ovvero: la poverina ha speso dieci mesi a battere tutte le discoteche e gli aperitivi di sei Regioni per trovare un uomo, ha individuato un numero esiguo di possibili pretendenti, ha finalmente trovato un mammifero maschio interessato alla riproduzione, miracolo, lo ha trainato al suo appartamento cospargendosi di odore di torta alla vaniglia e promettendogli di farlo giocare alla Wii subito dopo l’intercorso, ha varcato la soglia di casa cercando di dimenticarsi della sua ultima immagine allo specchio mozzato, e’ riuscita a sfilarsi le mutande mentre tirava fuori il prosecco dal frigo, e adesso deve solo sconfiggere i mostri della cellulite, della pancia, delle caviglie grasse, delle bracciotte, dei capelli che si sono riarricciolati, delle icone televisive che raggiungono climax (di due ore) al solo tocco del ginocchio, dimenticare un anno di lavoro senza palestra, gettarsi su un letto e fronteggiare il nemico facendo finta che stare nudi non dia nessun imbarazzo e, oltretutto, deve occuparsi delle ascelle odorose? Dateli alle donne questi prodotti da pubblicizzare, datele a loro le campagne pubblicitarie, vi sveleranno un segreto: a noi, l’odore dei corpi che sudano assieme per farsi del bene, piace, eccome. E piace anche ai mammiferi maschi.

Di juanita

50% business, 50% eggs benedict

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