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Si pensa che entro la prima quindicina di novembre accapi l’Inglese, con la sua valigia di vestitini carini e fazzoletti moccicosi di carta. Mi porterà un profumo, se lo rilasciano le sue modelle, i suoi cantanti – lo so già. Sceglierà l’aereo per me più difficile, scusandosene quando mi vede all’aeroporto – I am sorry, I didn’t think about it. E io gli credo, perchè lui non ha acquisito da piccino la lezione dell’azione-reazione, ovvero se prendi un volo alle undici di sera è possibile che non arrivi prima di mezzanotte e mezzo. Sarà l’ultimo a uscire perchè recuperata la valigia, finita la perquisizione coi cani (ha la faccia a squilibrato), andrà in bagno a farsi bello per me. Gli dirò non è di quanto sei bello tu che mi interessa nemmeno un pò, è di quanto vedi bella me. Al solito. Ci rimarrà male e puzzerà di autoabbronzante. Mi macchierà il colletto.

In macchina avremo il malditesta, dovuto al quintale di Bulgari Spray che si è evaporato non so dove, fra il check-out e la macchina. Mi chiederà se ho la musica “sua”, che sarebbe qualunque cosa di pessimo gusto, anni ottanta, reboante. Gli dirò di no. Avrei potuto infilare nella mia chiavetta usb una piccola selezione di orrori per lui, ma non mi va: insomma, ognuno in macchina propria ci ascolta quel che gli pare. Non posso portare Mezza Pinta a danza sapendo che da un momento all’altro potrebbe accapare Madonna e guidare come se nulla fosse. Mi racconterà di tutti i nuovi clienti, chiedendomi se li ho presenti, dirò di sì, invece non è vero – non posso  conoscere anche i tronisti di Inghilterra.

Disfarrà la valigia in macchina per fare vedere alla sua pupilla i vestini nuovi, cinquecento euro di sterline spese (male) in pouffes, gonnelline, scarpine coi brillantini, passatine: un sacco di rosa. Mi viene male allo stomaco al solo pensiero. Mezza Pinta emanerà gridolini di gioia vera conscia di rientrare nella fase “Grand Style” per almeno quindici giorni. Con me vive una specie di incubo low_profile, under_stated, fatto di pantaloni, maglietta e maglioncino: i bambini devono correre, non fare i concorsi di bellezza. Sono un padre straordinario, e mi sono trovata una moglie un pò frou frou – l’Anglèe – che darà alla mia bambina tutte le coordinate per essere una signorina elegante. Di bella maniera. Nel frattempo la fanciulla sa eseguire presentazioni in power point sull’iPad 2 e inserire ogni tipo di Media. Mi ha promesso che non lo dirà a daddy, altrimenti mi uccide nel sonno.

La cosa più difficile è trovare il filo delle mie parole, quelle che voglio dire, in mezzo al casino sonoro che è la mia vita. Non che sia diversa da quella di altre, credo, perlomeno non troppo da quando ho deciso di dormire nel letto (sono tre giorni ormai, grande senso di sollievo al collo e incubi potenti): i cartonianimati della colazione, su rai due, alla tacca di volume che usano i predicatori cristiani. Il latte che fischia. Mezza Pinta che snocciola domande a intervalli regolari di un minuto, gli operai qui fuori che rispondono al telefonino con la stessa foia con cui si incoraggiano i cavalli alle corse clandestine. E’ un coitus interruptus fra me e lo scrivere, il leggere, lo svegliarsi piano – e va fatto anche col sorriso, perchè non vuoi che la bambina, da grande, ti insulti dicendo “mamma sembravi un sarcofago al mattino” -, il vivere provando ad ascoltare cosa dice “il dentro”.

Ma tutto questo prenderà una piega felice, tragicamente confusionaria, entro il quindici di Novembre: saranno mutande e calzini disseminati in corridoio, lavandini intasati di peli e cotone, litigi al mattino ma come cazzo la vesti, sembra una prostituta thailandese, e riappacificazioni pomeridiane mangiando i creckers con la crema di gorgonzola davanti alla televisione e con i miei piedi im buone mani massaggianti. Sarà delirio di lavatrici e spesa elettrica, la media del bimestre raddoppiata e ristoranti a colazione, pranzo, cena. Sarà è dura vederti ripartire, e lasciarmi nella culla di confidenza che ho creato. Life begins when your comfort zone ends.

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