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Quando in presenza di orso infuriato, sdraiarsi a pancia in su e fare le moine. Quando in presenza di Londra assolata, ugualmente, chiudere le veneziane tappandosi in un buco e attendere che il popolo bianco rientri in casa: così come allo straniero non è dato vedere un italiano composto sotto la pioggia torrenziale, così a noialtri immigrati non deve essere inflitta la punizione tardiva dell’estate londinese, una benedizione solo per chi ha abbracciato la religione delle flip-flops e delle callosità dure ma un disastro estetico per chi è appena ritornato (dalla Toscana) con l’aspettativa di un pò di pioggia leggera e cielo plumbeo: è tempo di lavorare. E’ tempo di stare dentro.

Talloni induriti ciabattano con dita ciccione lungo il fiume, smalti con colori da bambine, happy hours che si protraggono fino alle dieci di sera quando la piscia diventa incontenibile e le donne cominciano a cacciare il maschio stordito, l’unico disponibile alla concione fisica da queste parti.

Mi hanno cambiato il ragazzo della birra, che non bevo, ma era carino e faceva sempre l’occhietto a Cecilia. Al suo posto due parameci di parecchi metri l’uno e senza tratti somatici. Per fortuna una volta al mese arriva una squadra di rugby. Il mio amico Henry, di cui non ricordavo l’esistenza – e credo nemmeno lui la mia, ma tant’è – ieri sera mi ha comprato una bottiglia di bianco francese molto buonino, welcome back, grazie, ma chi sei? Scherzi a parte: chi sei?

La ragazza con i capelli rossi che non indossa mutande e porta i vestitini leggeri a pois si è chinata anche ieri per mettersi al sedere: nessuno vuole guardare sotto quel gonnellino, a parte me che covo la speranza di vederci un bel paio di spantex. Macchè. La chiamano la signorina allenamento (Ms Training) perchè a lei si deve lo svezzamento di qualcheduno di questi carciofi. E sai non si direbbe: secchina, bellina a quella maniera, senza trucco, coi capellini pettinati – queste cose te l’aspetti dalle golosacce.

Stasera esco. Ho scaricato l’applicazione che ti permette di inserire la tua partenza e la destinazione e ti guida dove devi arrivare con semplici indicazioni adatte alle femmine: “prendi il bus numero 12, conta dieci minuti, scendi, girati, cammina alla fermata, monta sul tube giallo e scendi dopo 8 fermate”: una pacchia, perchè il mio problema più grande – non solo in questo dipartimento, non solo qui – è che scambio i numeri e le lettere, per cui il treno numero sette delle due e mezzo diretto a Ladbroke diventa automaticamente l’autobus numero due che alle sette e mezzo arriva a Landott. Mi perdo. Piango. L’anno scorso sono andata a prendere la Barbarina all’aeroporto il giorno prima: arrivava il 19 alle 18, sono andata il 18 alle 19.

Stasera gli amici mi danno il benvenuto e mi hanno cucinato il ragù, che poi c’è da spiegargli che io è da quattro anni che non ceno, ma non importa, mi infilerò gli spaghetti nelle maniche o dentro le tasche come al solito. Spero che ci sia il vino rosso. Mi ricordo quando ho infilato due piatti di cioncia nella borsa, e l’agenda che ha puzzato di maiale per un anno.

Si riparte.

juanita

50% business, 50% eggs benedict

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