Come un pisello nel suo baccello.


La mia prima estate ad Alassio fu se Dio vuole anche l’ultima, giacchè ero nel pieno della mia storia d’amore col mio fidanzatino ed eravamo pienamente operativi a tutto campo, in quel limbo di vita in cui destinare il tempo a stare nudi in un letto (o per terra) è giustamente ritenuto la massima occupazione umana. La distanza quindi non aiutava punto il mio umore, oltretutto la vacanza da spiaggia la odio, la odio, la odio. Mi ero avvicinata ad un giovane tossico che ascoltava Vasco Rossi e mi spiegava perchè mi sarebbe dovuto piacere: ero d’accordo con lui su tutto, ma non mi riusciva lo stesso di infilare quel disco nello stereo. Un pò come quando lessi la vita di Pirandello e poi i suoi libri, mi chiedevo, come si fa ad essere così ganzi in potenza e pessimi in atto. Correvano i novanta, ed io ero nella mia fase Dire Straits.

Eravamo allocati in un hotel bello, con la terrazza panoramica e la colazione a buffet di quelle che non si dimenticano: croissants minuscoli integrali, marmellate fresche, latte intero, caffè fatto nelle macchine da esercito, spremute vere. Il lembo di spiaggia era così piccolo, claustrofobico quasi, e la gente era dovunque: se vado all’inferno, questo è il possibile scenario che mi troverò attorno. Compravo Skorpio, Lancio Story, Dylan Dog, qualunque cosa per tenere la mente impegnata ed emanciparmi dalle famiglie come la mia. Era l’anno dei pantaloni larghi a righe bianche e blue, ed i miei ormoni non erano mai stati tanto in salute.

La sera si usciva presto e io avevo il permesso di stare fuori fino a mezzanotte. Per attirare l’attenzione presso il gruppo di giovani del mio bagno facevo quello che potevo, e fingevo di vomitare ogni due minuti: sapevo suonare il piano, voglio dire, avrei potuto cantare una canzone, ma sceglievo di mangiare scaglie di sapone per provocarmi il vomito. Guardavo i miei genitori sulla sdraio e non mi capacitavo che non intuissero cosa combinavo io nell’intimità, in fin dei conti avevo quasi diciottanni, mica cinquanta; eppure stavo come un pisello nel suo baccello, circondata dagli affetti, annoiata quanto basta per essere innamorata, felice di essere declassata a bambina che va al mare, in fondo creava meno problemi che vedersi crescere in provincia, in mezzo a un quintale di hashish e ragazzi molto, troppo bassi.

Tornai a casa, e nella quiete della sua mansarda riprendemmo il tempo perduto, io e il mio amore, leggendo Anais Nin e evitando di mangiare. Ci baciavamo nei prati e nelle chiese, ci facevamo i dispetti come i bambini di dieci anni, per qualche motivo era impossibile tenersi le mutande addosso. Parlando con una scrittrice e poetessa che amo molto ho poi convenuto che era vero: non esiste altro periodo della vita in cui quello in cui nulla si sa, per sapere tutto – ma soprattutto per sapere come si fa l’amore.

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