Cronachetta.

La cronaca locale, come la french manicure, mi terrorizza. Tutto quello che di eroico esiste e resiste, ogni svisatura poetica, qualunque tentativo diventa black and white, cattivo o buono, nei trafiletti della cronaca locale: “vecchio di settantanni cerca di sparare a ventitreenne, innamorato pazzo”- ad esempio. La prima immagine richiamata alla mente e’ quella di un poveretto, un incrocio fra Benny Hill e un neonato rugoso col pannolone, che in preda alla foia insegue la nipote di un vicino e che, quando lei non gli da’ giustamente soddisfazione, prova ad accopparla.

Aldila’ che gli unici amori giusti sono quelli sbagliati, che la ventitreenne sarebbe stata a sua volta una donna incensurata se avesse rubato in una banca, che a settantanni ci sono uomini con cui vorrei scappare su un’isola io stessa, che una pistola in casa non si dovrebbe tenere punto e basta, aldila’ di tutto questo, non leggo l’articolo per contegno, pudore, aspettando che le cose siano chiarite e concedendo il beneficio del dubbio a tutti – persino a me stessa che non leggo.

Dieci anni fa incontrai il mio primo maestro, il signor B. Ero su una terrazza e stavo leggendo un libercolo estivo sul come fare uno stramaledetto business plan: me lo chiedeva la Regione, lo esigevano tutti. Pareva, allora, che senza di esso non si potessero fare affari, che non esistessero progetti; sembrava che il plan venisse prima delle idee: il plan era un noumeno, e io un uomo delle caverne. Ho capito dopo che quando ti riesce farlo non serve a niente, o perlomeno a niente di grandioso, ma per farlo devi avere maturato l’alfabeto con cui parlano quelli che ti danno udienza che, finalmente rinfrancati dalla somiglianza, dalla fratellanza, ti ascoltano invece di udirti.

B era diventato mio amico e mi raccontava di come aveva acquisito questo, della sua scalata qui e la’, mi aveva fatto conoscere i suoi figli e preso un po’ sotto l’ala paternalistica. Mi chiedeva, mi suggeriva. Scuoteva parecchio la testa. Dopo un po’ di tempo mi aveva offerto una casa (io abitavo in Locanda). Mi diceva, te stai pure li’, tanto io ne ho decine. Quindi avevo la mia chiavina, il mio bagno, e le storie meravigliose di B, che mi ha insegnato come si tagliano le gambe ad un avversario per non farlo più’ rialzare o come non gli si tagliano affatto e ci si lavora assieme pisciando ognuno sul proprio territorio.

Certo, io sono fortunata. Ogni tanto B mi portava fuori a cena, pagava lui che io non avevo nemmeno i soldi per le sigarette, e mi presentava un sacco di gente: ballerini, costruttori, sarte. Mai, nemmeno per un attimo, c’era stata confusione o un tentativo di torcermi un capello: lui era Lorenzo il Magnifico, io ero (ai suoi occhi) un giovane Michelangelo. Lo divertivo parecchio. Questo si’. Dopo qualche mese di permanenza gratuita nel covo pieno di quadri, edizioni limitate della Treccani, busti di imperatori, la sua amante, tale Brigida, segretaria nonche’ possessora delle sue carte intime (fatture, contabilita’) aveva cominciato a chiamare casa mia dandomi della battona, comunicando ai miei genitori che io ero l’amante di un settantenne.

Lasciai subito la casa, come mi chiese B, “non voglio fare incazzare la belva”. I miei genitori si fecero grasse risate o questo e’ quello che mi hanno fatto credere, ma io quella Brigida l’avrei presa a padellate in faccia. Le avrei voluto fare del male fisico perche’ aveva messo un vestito di velluto nero sopra quell’affare di vita che era la mia amicizia col mio primo mentore in affari, cui ancora devo molto. Noi discutevamo di plan, di break even, di come l’universita’ sia un freno per chi sogna in grande anche senza capirci nulla.

Ora: penso che se l’avessi trovata per strada ci saremmo accapigliate, magari lei sarebbe cascata, saremmo finite in cronaca locale sotto le sgrinfie di qualche pruriginoso, qualche merdosetto che per vendere dieci copie in più’ avrebbe titolato “la vecchia amante e la ragazzina fanno a schiaffi per ricco settantenne”. Probabilmente avrebbe avuto pure ragione, ma vuoi mettere l’eroismo del mentore.

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  • Giugno 16, 2011

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    La vegliarda ci strangola a tutti e due, o divino pusher di musica, c’ha il cattivo built-in.

  • Giugno 15, 2011

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    E ti dirò di più, sublime scrittrice: se becchiamo la vegliarda e la spadelliamo, sono pronto a titolare!

  • Giugno 15, 2011

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    Ecco: te, come atipico rappresentante della tua categoria, non avresti scritto quel titolo mortificante lì. Ecco perchè io ti seguo e ti ammiro, come giornalista e come amico.

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