Donne frustrate a letto.

Sei sei qui è perché hai digitato le seguenti parole chiave “donne, frustrate, a letto”. Per essere sicura di non incappare in un’area per donne arrabbiate perché avevano comprato un letto sbagliato hai specificato “a” letto, con la stessa demenza ostinata con cui i bimbi ripetono le cose finché non gliele dai. Se io sto scrivendo questo post é perché analizzo le parole chiave che portano qui le persone, e questa è su in alto, assieme a “puttanoni montecatini” o “charlie brown”. Sulla serie di Schulz non ho capacità di comprendere come io salti fuori, eppure è così.

Non so molto delle donne frustrate a letto, ho sempre pensato che l’entusiasmo compensi la mancanza di tecnica e la superi addirittura, quindi vorrei invitarti a pensare bene al significato di trovarti in un letto, con un mammifero maschio, prima ancora che a soddisfare l’indomito Re Clito (o Mister Gee).

Il più grande chef del mondo, Heston Blumenthal, proviene dall’Inghilterra. Questo dovrebbe avere risolto già tutti i tuoi dubbi sul sesso e sull’amore: se la patria con gli ingredienti più insipidi in terra ha partorito lui, allora tu puoi dare vita a una sessione interessante e accaldata nonostante tutto ti remi contro: la pancia, le cosce, le rughe. Il sedere – che è il minore dei problemi, tanto non lo vedi di persona, mai. Heston è autodidatta, e così era Jimi Hendrix, quindi non ti spaventare se non hai partecipato all’ultimo educational della Jenson, basta che tu ci metta del cuore e andrà tutto bene.

Ma cosa fa, quest’uomo, per meritarsi un titolo come proprietario del “migliore ristorante del mondo”? Fa cose strane, tipo concentrarsi sui sapori e sull’influenza che la cottura ha sugli alimenti ed è promotore di una cucina lenta, lentissima, che impiega ore a preparare vegetali che ci mettono minuti a raggiungere lo stato B. Forse è per questa indulgenza estremamente sensuale che i suoi piatti hanno sapori alla potenza n mentre le verdure lesse fatte a casa nel pentolino di alluminio sono agghiaccianti. O forse perchè, dal nulla, un uomo ha pensato. E anche noi dobbiamo pensare: è come se fosse l’ultima volta? E’ perchè senza si muore? E’ perché non staremo mai più assieme? Allora vale la pena. Altrimenti tanto vale, davvero, uscire a farsi una passeggiata.

Succede il 30 Settembre che nel suo ristorante, il Fat Duck, 50 persone rimangano intossicate per norovirus (o squaqquera) e gli facciano chiudere il locale, strilli di giornale, che scandalo. Ma se è successo a lui, allora anche noi possiamo perdonarci una piccola defaillance. Il Fat Duck è di nuovo aperto, e la colpa era dell’acqua, ma poi cosa conta nella vita individuare un capro espiatorio: quando si soffre, si soffre.

Insomma, come avrai capito, io non ci capisco nulla, ma credo che il piacere stia lontano dalla sola esecuzione, e si annidi nell’intento.


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