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Juanita de Paola

Eliminare gli inestetismi esistenziali.

Come eliminare la buccia d’arancia dalla faccia del proprio marito.

Sioux2

Cerco fra le pubblicità rivolte alle donne un prodotto mirato all’eliminazione degli inestetismi della vita, invece che delle cosce, ma non trovo nulla di buono. Voglio dire, l’ultimo favore che la medicina ha cercato di apportare alla nostra vita è stato il Viagra, per rivitalizzare il rapporto di coppia dicevano, e farci di nuovo felici, fenomeno che ha incrementato un bel pò il fenomeno vecchio-morto-con-prostituta-russa-sopra e una generazione di scroti vizzi ma gonfi che, a dire la verità, non ci hanno fatto quel gran bene. Pensavo a un prodotto che, ad esempio, quando qualcuno ti dice sei giovanile vestita così fa esplodere una bomba di chiodini da parete, lì, in faccia allo stolto essere. Oppure a una fialetta energetica che crea un alito di drago infuocato quando qualcuno ti chiede ti scoccia se ti prendo il giornale? mentre lo stai leggendo, placida, al mattino, davanti ad un cappuccino. Una bella cremina narcolettica da spalmare sulla schiena dei propri pargoli quando si va a cena fuori potrebbe essere una soluzione veloce e efficace per rimettere in sesto la disastrata carriera delle neomamme, che al terzo anno di vita del virgulto iniziano a sognare una vita da Ingrid Betancourt. Per il partner, una bella freccia (mediante domotica) all’uranio bollente fra i due occhi, tzìn!, tutte le volte che fa quella faccia lì a tavola, quella di chi è capitato al mercato del pesce senza accorgersene, sì, quella faccia mista di disgusto e noia, che ti verrebbe voglia di prendere la padella di rame diametro sei metri e sfondargliela nella ghigna. Alla fine basterebbe una pillolina, che so, oppio, per riuscire a cordinare tutte le manovre.

Di juanita

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