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Quando mi presentano un uomo famoso (per meriti, non per overdosi o frode) mi aggrappo a sua moglie quasi subito, come una cozza. Le chiedo cosa fa lei in famiglia, fuori, in palestra, come si comporta quando lui è concentrato sul lavoro al punto da non ricordarsi di mangiare o tornare a casa, cosa pensa (lei) e se si immaginava di trovarsi un giorno nelle scarpe che mai vorrei portare: quelle della grande donna dietro il grande uomo. C’è subito da fare una distinzione, di fatto esistono due grandi gruppi: le mogli o compagne che sono arrivate quando lui era nessuno e sono  cresciute assieme, e quelle dell’ultima ora. Le prime tollerano le seconde, devono perchè gli amici del marito si sono sposati tutti la quarta volta con cermimonia a tema; ma non è vero il viceversa: le nuove arrivate si fanno largo in maniera omicida, per paura di saltare, di tornare dov’erano.  Le nuove mogli prese in vecchiaia, diciamo la verità, sono l’incubo dei poveri cristiani che, come me, lavorano per i loro mariti.

Ho notato che le prime mogli, quelle storiche, hanno capacità manageriali impressionanti: dalla tracheotomia sul nipote che ha ingerito un sasso a una cena di beneficienza con corsa dei sacchi, catering e ottocento invitati, navigano il mare degli imprevisti con una predisposizione naturale, un gene colonnello che le rende irrefrenabili. I mariti le seguono come lobotomizzati, obbedendo agli ordini, anche i più meschini – aspettami in macchina, vado a scegliere i carciofi, spengi l’aria condizionata che distrugge l’ambiente . Sono soggiogati da queste nane, quello della bassezza è un fattore comune, un pò cicciotte con l’argento vivo in corpo, che marchiano a fuoco con uno sguardo di disapprovazione. Mi chiedo perchè non la facciano loro la carriera del marito, se questo stargli dietro non sia sintomatico di masochismo o cosa. Poi le vedi nel prato con i nipoti mimare uno dei teletubbies, conoscerne tutti i nomi, e capisci che non si può levare all’umanità una donna per dedicarla solo alla carriera. Che culo.

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