Gita dal vinaio famoso.


Il vinaio famoso ci mostra i segreti delle lacrime, ci svela come distinguere razionalmente quello che la mia lingua e il mio naso hanno imparato a fare dopo avere stappato due migliaia, circa, di bottiglie. Ovvero circa una bottiglia ogni due giorni negli ultimi dodici anni (e passa). Credo che contino anche le etichette nella scelta del vino, perlomeno per me è importante anche quella, e non amo quelle troppo moderne, troppo furbette: non osi la forma pareggiarsi con la sostanza.

Interpellato da qualcuno sull’origine delle uve mostra grande saggezza, perchè le sue risposte sono semplici e vere. Mi mettono davanti una sputacchiera, uno di quei contenitori dove si può sputare (sic) il vino dopo averlo assggiato se non si vuole bere il dito di bicchiere intero. Il problema è che non è mai un bicchiere solo, ma sono sei, dodici, venti, fino a quaranta. Il problema è degli altri, che arrivano all’appuntamento con lo stomaco vuoto; noi che siamo focalizzati iniziamo a riempirci lo stomaco qualche ora prima, per non permettere al tannino di rovinarci la serata – ma soprattutto il giorno dopo. La mia sputacchiera rimane intonsa. All’inglese versano riserva sulla camicia bianca fatta su misura –  e gli sta bene, non si permetta al vestimento di minare il godimento.

Sulla riserva inizio a essere pienamente felice. Soddisfatta. San Giovese tirato su bene, barricato, bello pepato. Sul Brunello comincio a sentire l’energia di Settembre e voglio iniziare due nuove società, perdere dieci chili, tingermi i capelli e iniziare a vestirmi con le ballerine di Chanel. Per fortuna tutto questo passa, non appena passo dal vinsanto che mi irrita: pochissimi lo sanno fare, forse perchè è dolce.

E’ a questo punto che inizio il ballo del quanto costerebbe, potrebbe piacere ai miei clienti più raffinati, vorrei una stima, datemi due numeri, una coordinata. Non mi risponde la mia dirimpettaia, ma inizia a raccontarmi la storia della sua venuta in Toscana, mi dice cosa piace a lei, la bellezza della campagna toscana (ma dici davvero?) quando lei imbocca la strada al mattino presto, e di come il bianco sia il suo preferito. Già mi prefiguro i miei poveri clienti intossicati dalle chiacchiere dell’ennesima petulante che sbaglia il suo entusiasmo per capacità.

Glisso, chiudo l’ascolto e sorrido. Le cose da mangiare sono buonissime, mi astraggo e mangio placida. Salterò la fetta di carne impanata che mi fa schifo, nasconde i calletti, e i contorni che in genere viene preparato il giorno prima. Salto anche i dolci, a dire la verità, non capisco perchè li servono da ultimo, quando la bocca è già piena di lieto. Dopo trenta minuti di udito indistinto mi chiedo se questa persona abbia mai chiesto a nessuno perchè era lì, se le interessa davvero, se la paghino per asfissiare (anche) me stasera. Meno male che non sono Governatore, sarei implacabile.


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