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Stap. Glup glup glup.

Così il vino ancora stranamente bianco a Ottobre, ma qui fa caldo, fluisce dalla bottiglia nel mio bicchiere a fine giornata – nove, dieci, undici ore di immersione totale nel mio mondo: lavoro come un cane, di solito, per non lasciare molto tempo al vacare. Il nonno mi diceva che siccome era stato svogliato gli era toccato studiare tutta la vita, e io penso di essere di quella specie lì, ma anche per il lavoro.

Il primo bicchiere per lavare via la giornata, il secondo per fare posto ai pensieri che durante il giorno mettiamo nei cassetti delle persone perbene, il terzo non si può anche se si vorrebbe.

Lavoro parecchio, oltre il limite della concentrazione, oltre l’educazione di essere in una famiglia di esseri umani che desiderano parlare, fare confusione, buttare imprevisti nel mezzo: io li odio, gli imprevisti, dai tempi del Monopoli. Parlo pochissimo. Odio le vacanze: mi è rimasta la forca, quella sì, dare buca ad un appuntamento mi dà ancora un piacere così acuto.

Ho le cuffie nuove ad alta fedeltà, così la mattina, dopo avere accompagnato la piccola creatura che è il sole dei miei giorni, posso camminare sul fiume ascoltando le cazoni al volume esagerato con i bassi a palla. Pensare che io i bambini li sopporto poco, ma quella lì, la Cecilia, è tutta un’altra storia.

Ho preparato due liste di canzoni per sfondarmi le orecchie, una si chiama “sul fiume nei giorni di pioggia” e una si chiama “sole”. Perchè io abito su un’isola, e tutto cambia se piove o no.

Chi non sta in Inghilterra pensa che il problema sia la pioggia, ma non è così, anzi: qui, quando piove, si può uscire senza ombrello. E’ un’acquetta educata e fine fine, che manco ti bagna. Non è come quando il trenta di agosto ti piglia la pioggia in Toscana, che ti devi mettere davanti al fon, alla stufa e sotto un calorifero per riprendere colore. No, non è l’acqua, ma la luce: è storta. E’ più bassa. Hai presente quando con il tuo fidanzatino le prime sere ti ritrovi ad ascoltare la musica in camera e tieni accesa solo l’abatjour? Ecco, la stessa cosa, ma tutta desaturata.

Domani c’è un playdate dopo la scuola, cioè la bimba deve andare a casa di qualcuno perchè così dicono a scuola, per socializzare. Io ho individuato la casa dove va e anche una panca lì davanti, dove aspettare – senza destare sospetto – per tutta l’ora.

Forse domani ricomincio a fumare.


50% business, 50% eggs benedict

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