La salvezza.

V mi ha da poco insegnato che nel mondo della danza classica l’impegno può ben poco a meno che non ci siano braccia lunghe e gambe snodate, se possibile con il sedere un pò piatto. La vita di una etoile è fatica immane, follia, e forse un premio che diventa futile rispetto alla ricerca della perfezione, vero erotismo della questione. Capisco quello che dice V, la ascolto molto, come pure L, F,M e B; a dire la verità, se sapessero quanto io pesi le parole altrui, starebbero attenti a tarare la bilancia ogni pochi minuti.

Ho subìto un tentativo di violenza abbastanza pesante quando avevo tredici anni, e forse (anche) per questo per tutta la vita ho provato a mettermi a nudo con le parole: per esorcizzare l’altra metà di me, che si deve sedare pesantemente prima di una visita di routine al seno o più giù. Non so spogliarmi senza sentire una nausea che sale potente fino a riempirmi la bocca di saliva e farmi girare la testa. Ecco perchè stamani, quando la signora del massaggio anti-contrattura mi ha chiesto di levarmi le cose di dosso mi sono dovuta sedere.

“Mi dispiace, sono tutta pelosa, se avessi saputo della contrattura, cioè, non stavo male, ma ora…” farfuglio, letteralmente, la signora mi guarda con dolcezza e mi fa accomodare nell’abbaino. Ho anche i piedi da fare, con lo smalto così cosà. Mi sdraio e mi massacra, mi pigia e mi fa i lividi. Spendo un euro al minuto, praticamente, e non stiamo meno di un’ora. Quando tocca il punto dolente alzo il dito – sono a faccia in giù, in un buco, e sedere all’aria – e lei risponde con “hm hm”. Lo sapeva. Ecco, per me non c’è nessuna differenza fra un’etoile e la Marisa, che mi ha rovesciato muscoli e dischi della schiena: ci sono persone che cercano la perfezione – va a finire che la trovano. Nella perfezione, la propria, risiede la salvezza. Nelle lamentele, tutte, sembra invece annidarsi l’imbecillità.

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