La trasformazione da donna a eco-stronza.

juanitadepaola

Nel nostro secolo mangiare le patatine fritte nel burro di burger king & simili può provocare lo stesso livello di disgusto che confessare di fare le cosacce coi cugini: le signore della odierna nobiltà (quelli colli sordi) annaffiano terrazze cittadine con tecniche di microirrigazione non invasiva, con acqua ripulita in casa – a chilometri zero – e concimano i bengiamini con la cacca del loro cane (che raccattano con l’apposita bustina quando lo portano a passeggio).

La scatoletta di macedonia in latta è un orrore che l’ortodossia eco-friendly non può nemmeno immaginare: è il comitato autogestito direttamente dal produttore al consumatore che ci dà la roba giusta, è la professoressa di psichiatria docente di filologia romanza (che si presenta ai corsi all’università due volte l’anno) che raccoglie – con aria da madre zoppa di otto figli – le comande degli amici, che il pesce solo quello fresco di due ore. I comitati sono operativi al mattino e nel primo pomeriggio, quando le amiche passano a ritirare gli scampi e le loro governanti, tate, aiutanti, tutrici dei figli, amiche che lavorano in banca sono sepolte in ufficio.

Il sabato mattina, affiancata dalle varie Sofia, Luisa, Alina, Irina, la signora sbuccia sedani con lo sguardo affettuoso e demente. Lei crede che il non andare all’esselunga o al lidl costituisca un passo avanti nella marcia dell’uomo e della donna verso un mondo migliore, al riparo degli sgarri di questi esseracci schifosi che la abitano immeritatamente. La signora compra solo gorgonzola fresco, che col sedano ci sta come un muratore fra le cosce di una signorona in Sardegna, e lo ordina il giovedì con le mozzarelle di bufala. Quelle arrivano su un camion da Napoli senza marmitta, ma tanto a ritirarle ci va la Maria, che ormai è come una di famiglia. Un pò come Giugiu, il bassotto nano a pelo duro.

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