Maggio 2003

Maggio, il mese della Madonna, di mia madre, il compleanno del Papa, del toro camomillo e per me della fine anche del vino rosso. Se mi riguardo indietro vedo una ragazza alle prese con l’alfabeto per la prima volta, con gli altri e il loro linguaggio in un crescendo di imbarazzi e constatazioni leva-terreno da sotto i piedi. Comincio a vedere come ognuno si crea delle specie di isolette asettiche dove essere disturbato il meno possibile, avere pochi scossoni ecco. E tanto è facile vedere quelle degli altri quanto impossibile venire a capo delle proprie. A meno che qualcuno non ci abbia messo una bombuccia per te. Allora viene meglio, e più veloce.

Stamattina è successa una cosa che non accadevada più di dieci anni. La mia disfunzione ha fatto il suo corso dando vita al suo e mio dolore senza rimedio: ho patito, sudato, sono crollata. E poi tutto ha finito di fare male, lasciandomi bianca ed esausta sul letto. Il dolore è stato così forte da creare una tensione quasi piacevole dall’inizio alla fine del corpo, ondate così potenti da scheggiare i denti, un colore così pallido da farmi sembrare l’essere vivente più sofferente del creato, una bella immagine sarebbe stata se avessi avuto la forza di tirare fuori la macchina fotografica. Avevo finito la medicina.

Una donna alza il conto del ristorante dal piattino mentre quel vitello seduto accanto a lei abbassa gli occhi, un’altra inciampa infastidita, un’altra si porta dietro la bimba in collo visibilmente stanca, un’altra è vestita come una ragazzina e avrà almeno quarantanni; i due camerierini si lanciano occhiate di fuoco che sfocieranno in qualche magazzino di birra del ristorante beati loro, il vicino di tavolo non apre bocca, la focaccia è straordinaria e il vino un pò meno. Ci si alza alle due passate non dopo aver scaricato un altro rullino di fotografie e patito un freddo cane, ma bisogna stare fuori a mangiare appena si puo’.

Scoperto un nuovo passatempo, come se non avessi quattro consegne quattro da terminare, di cui due entro mercoledì. Ho steso una coperta vicino ad un ulivo e mi sono messa a leggere nel mezzo di una poggiata collinare: se Luca decidesse per caso di passare dalla rèdola sotto Chiesa di Vellano, oscura credo persino agli autòctoni, non potrebbe non ammettere di essersi perso una donna straordinaria, perdiana. Mi dimentico sempre di prendere il portacenere e me ne accorgo solo quando la torre di cenere mi sta per cadere su qualcosa di nero o sul quadernino. Insomma ero in tenuta da bagno di sole sulla copertina della mia stanza alla Locanda (ma l’avranno fatto per piacere a me di chiamare quel posto “l’antica locanda” ? Perchè a dire “la mia stanza della locanda” secondo me si fa un figurone), ero in mezzo all’erba e al sole, con il libro di Richler sulle mani, gambe piegate come Jane Mansfield di lato coi piedini incrociati. Un’icona bucolica, una sintesi di natura e natura umana. Un gatto mi è saltato vicino facendomi tirare un bercio disumano, che paura. Ad un certo punto mi sono sentita osservata ed alzando gli occhi ho notato sull’altro poggio, ad almeno trecento metri in linea d’aria da me, un lui/lei, non saprei dire, appoggiato/a ad una macchina che, di questo sono sicura, stava lì a guardarmi. A tutti ho detto che era seduto/a e che probabilmente stava leggendo anche lui/lei, ovvio. Suona decisamente meglio. Invece è rimasto/a là a braccia incrociate per almeno venti minuti. Avrà avuto un binocolo? Nel dubbio ho scoperto meglio le gambe.

La lettura assorta e partecipe si è interrotta varie volte. Bere, fumare, lettera testamento e sms: ne è arrivato uno di Lisa con un “che fai?” in calce. Mi è sembrato carino invitarla, lei e Gianluca e Lorenzo a cena quassù visto che quoque i miei genitori mi avevano abbandonato per la cena e che la giornata era trascorsa di una tale bellezza da farmi presagire una serata indimenticabile. Nonostante questo posto per me sia come una casina sull’albero dove ospito col timore che qualcuno me la rubi. Poi “ospito”… ho una camera fissa in Locanda a quota mensile, da Maggio. Ho una camera a venti euro a notte con 4 letti, due armadi, una toiletta, qualche sedia e una cinquenaia di coperte, stanza numero uno, dal 2 Dicembre 2002. Più una vista strepitosa su almeno tre delle Dieci Castella, di cui non so i nomi a parte Pontìto e San Quirico. Morale della favola ecco i miei ospiti, un tuffo di testa nella tensione e in tutto quello che cerco di scuotermi di dosso, un dialogo tra sordi, davvero imbarazzante. Aldilà di ragioni e di torti, tanto le cose càpitano e basta. Mai litigare con un cretino, qualcuno potrebbe non accorgersi della differenza, quindi mi hanno offerto la cena.

Io sono retroattiva, cioè valgo per il proverbio &qu ot;non dire gatto se non l’hai nel sacco” prima ancora che fosse creato. Oppure è un proverbio postdatato apposta per me. Dovevo avere una casa, era mia in pratica. Prima in affitto e poi con un pò di anticipo sui centottantamilioni (lire) per acquistarla. Mia, di legno. L’ho fatta vedere ad una manata di persone: incantevole. Signora, lei non mi conosce, ma userò il mio e-diario per difendermi senza che lei possa ribattere.

Signora, devo tenere le distanze, lei mi capisce, mi ha appena levato la casa. Lei deve essere anche istruita, l’ho dedotto dal boccaccesco appellativo che mi ha attribuito (parlava di me, io mi chiamo Juanita ed effettivamente il nome si presta a ischerno). A me, confesso, una frase come l’incipit che lei mi ha suggerito telefonicamente non sarebbe mai venuta in mente, mi ha fatto ridere per una settimana; conf esso anche di averlo raccontato – senza citarLa, perdiana, è una donna sposata Lei, non vorrei che suo marito, quello vero, la riconoscesse da queste poche righe- a tutti. Lei, tra l’altro, ha un nome a me caro, che mi ricorda la mia religione e al tempo stesso mi sa di light, di vitasnella, con quel diminutivo intrinseco. Si diceva, nessuna tresca. Ha fiutato il male, lei ha un amante se non sbaglio, e so che giocate al capo e alla segretaria: non sa quanto le invidio Il Gioco del Trenino Sotto il Tavolo e la Sua vèrve battagliera. Lei mi ha levato la casa e quindi rimarrà indelebile nella mia memoria come lo Stafilococco Aureo che ho contratto a Lido di Camaiore quell’anno che le carcasse di vacca, dopo una frana, sono rotolate fino al mare impestandone l’acqua. Io vado al mare a marina di Massa quest’anno, lei puo’ scegliere l’Adriatico perpiacere?

Okay, here’s what you’re supposed to do. Copy this e-mail and paste it onto a new email that you will send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you, then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little facts about your friends. Remember to send yours back! to the person who sent it to you. If you don’t do it….your hair won’t fall out, so don’t fret.

YOU

Name Juanita De Paola

Birthday 02-01-1975

Birth location Livorno, Tuscany

Color of eyes black

Color of hair brown

Height 167

Brother/Sister Alessandra, 23, architect soon, naturally rastafarian; Federica, 14, my tiny tally angel: high school, 2nd class, 5th essence of sweetness.

Bedtime bedtime ?!

HAVE YOU EVER

Have you ever been so drunk you blacked out ? twice

Ever caught a body part on fire for amusement? my finger, trying to prove i could r esist the fire of the lighter, 12 years old

Ever been in a car accident Hmmm, no

Ever been hurt emotionally? Yes like everyone

Ever kept a secret from everyone? Sure

Ever had an imaginary friend? Goommie you mean ? :-)

Ever wanted to hook up with a friend? Boh

Ever cried during a movie? Every time i was supposed to

Ever had a crush on a teacher? No

Ever thought an animated character was hot? Lamù, Georgie, la Striscia, Mordillo, Dago, Savarese, Terence (Candy Candy), Ken ..pffff… all of them…

Ever been on stage? Every given week

FAVORITES

Day/night >> night

Summer/winter >> fall

Lace or Satin >> bleah!

Foods >>row fish, row meet, vegetables, chinese, ragù, nutella, yogurt, focaccia, ravioli, cous cous… EVERYTHING

Cartoon characters >> Stinky, south park

Advertisement >> vigorsol – a car crashing down from the sky on a screaming man who just won the lottery. An other man whispers YES YES YES and smiles

Book >> Gli indifferenti – Moravia, La versione di Barney – Richler

Movie >> Smoke

Ice cream >> Chocolate, cream

Drinks >> Pure alcohol drinks (rum, red wine, porto, brandy, scotch). I hate cocktails.

Quote “(this is the) last cig of the day”.

NOW

Wearing >> red pants and a white t-shirt, stinky.

Eating >> everywhere apart from home

Drinking >> Red wine, Cannonau

Watching (shush)

Last 24 Hours

07.30 Wake up, cartoon, coffee , clean

08.00 Work, Macintosh & me

13.00 lunch break – yuk

13.30 work

19.00 recording studio – sing – fuss – fight

20.30 chinese take a way

21.00 Lisa – friend , chat, eat, smoke, burp, drink a bit of white wine (Pistoia)

23.00 mac

02.00 living room, i collapsed down

When you last cried >> last night

What’s the best feeling in the world >> freedom, friends around, something new to see, someone new to love

Worst feeling >> un-feeling

Who will respond to this email fastest? >> no idea

Who do you know when you send this wont care ? boh

One wish (shush)

I bugiardi non amano il mare che è così aperto e coinvolge i sensi tutti mentre ti sala perbenino. La pelle si tira come quella di una percussione, la pressione scende di paripasso col sole sull’acqua ed il fisico tradisce tutte le sue pecche. Si dovrebbe poter stare a sedere senza che lo stomaco si accalchi sull’ombelico, bisognerebbe poter dirigere la spinta gravitazionale ora verso l’alto (sempre) ora verso il basso (mai) oppure che il corpo assumesse di giorno in giorno esattamente la forma che si visualizza e desidera per se’ stessi. Questo è stato un davvero lungo fine settimana che per cause ludiche mi ha negato tempo per scrivere e concentrarmi, ma l’acqua e il sale con il loro potere astringente potrebbero aver offeso il mio già asfittico masso cerebrale. L’Elba è l’Elba dice la Lisa.

This morning reminds me of London and, no need to say, Carey. If i try to get my mind set on some images of last year Carey’s garden pops out, with that amazing wooden table, that garden, everything was full of light. It’s a problem of timing in someone’s life, and generally im absolutely crap when it comes to time, being in time, timing, precede things before they roll o n me. I wonder how could it be now, how it could’ve been if i was just a little more this, just a less that.. Wasted time. Well, let’s go back to Crouch End. Feta cheese, greek black olives, pachino tomatoes – turkish ones – and a light dinner. Some red wine, Carey prefers the french one (could you blame him ? but still tuscany rocks – and wins). Tonnes of words, it’s good to have a friend you can tell everything. ” How do you feel about that right now…” ” I used to think …

L’amore è un tema centrale nella vita di un uomo. Che sia negato, che sia la luce che rende alle cose il loro colore più giusto, che sia un ricordo o una proiezione, che lo si faccia o ci si trastulli e basta. Insomma cercare di alleviare i suoi effetti – i buoni e i pessimi – è impresa non umana. Quando penso a quanto poco io abbia effettivamente dedicato a coltivarlo sento di dover pagare il conto; e mi sta persino bene di dover mal sopportare la spossatezza che mi lascia il dolore, purchè si trasformi presto in malinconia, ricordo. Eppure basta girarsi attorno e guardare le brutture che tante coppie esprimono per consolarsi. Tutte quelle che io ho scampato come si scappa il sedere al morso di un cane che ti rincorre. Tutto il terreno, non quello del vicino, il mio, in cui non ho piantato semi: è l’innocenza egoista che si ha finchè non si respira la prima fine. La previsione certa, beota, di ogni immortalità, anche affettiva. La passione di provare a prendere quello che veniva con più o meno dignità io non l’ho mai provata. Sono una sarta che ha cucito ora qua ora là, rattoppato qualche tasca, steso paillettes en filàdes sui buchini delle tarme, rispolverato e stirato un vestito che alla fine nessuno si è voluto mettere.

La gente fuma le sigarette alle cene per regalarsi un’altra piccola aspettativa esauribile tra una portata e un’altra. D’altronde si chiamano portate, non malzodaltavoloemivoapprenderedamangiare : essere serviti si paga perchè è un piacere disumano.

L’arte Contemporanea, io la adoro, questo intreccio transgender di arti e tecniche sempre in fìeri – e se l’artista è bravo, in fìeri persino dopo la sua morte. Mi ricordo alla Tate Gallery – ero convinta fosse la Modern Tate finchè non ci sono capitata per sbaglio davanti –

questa installazione con minuscoli orecchi /altoparlanti, centinaia, appesi a fili nylon a spiovuta dal soffitto alto e nero. Era tutto nero, solo suoni, da ogni microamplificatore una voce, una lingua e un tono diversi. Mi sono commossa e non mi ricordo il padrino di questo capolavoro. ma ricordo invece che l’installazione successiva era invece la solita inglesata patrocinata dagli inglesi, fieri dell’inglesità dei loro giovani talenti emergenti (brit, sure). E non è che un Goya mi faccia meno effetto di una foto di Lachapelle o una “merda d’autore” (Manzoni, e mi verrebbe voglia di fare una battuta qui) , e nessuno toglie a Mirò i diritti d’autore per E.T. (se fosse ancora vivo avrebbe estorto a Arcimboldi tutti i soldi guadagnati), solo che li percepisco in maniera diversa.

La mia conclusione che quando su un’opera d’arte sono stati scritti più di mille libri è proprio inutile mettercisi davanti. Con spirito critico intendo. Saranno quelle cento righe cincischiate di un manuale a venire fuori, al più tre pagine fitte per le buone memorie. Un’emozione plagiata in funzione di quel poco che purtroppo si riesce a ricordarsi. ” Nel 2223 si trasferisce a Mil’ano 80 e lì inizia il suo periodo artistico ialuronico”. Ora, ammettiamo che io abbia un quadro appeso nel più grande museo quantico dello spazio, che corra l’anno 2409, che io sia morta ovviamente (e che abbia lasciato in testamento l’ordine di non mettere le mie opere al Pecci di Prato finchè non levano la antistante fetta di cocomero in ghisa). Soddisfatta scorrerei dal paradiso tutta la mia vita all’indietro per ricercare il come, quando, tutto di quel mio parto artistico tanto caro agli uomini rimasti laggiu’ in terra.

Ecco, non credo troverei nessuna pagina con su scritto ” Oggi, 37 ottobre, con questa tela di poliuretano contractus do il là al mio periodo artistico ialuronico”. No. Credo però troverei paginate di “non so come fare a consegnare questa mia per domani sera, mi si è rotto il cambio della porta teletrasportante e al dopo biliardo ho perso tutti i neutrini che avevo in tasca”. La critica è decisamente una piaga se si decide di veleggiarci sopra come mezzo autocelebrativo: la critica è un’altra arte che accompagna l’Arte.

POESIA “squilla cellulare squilla per me”

OH SIGNORE DELLE MARGHERITE ROSSE

ASCOLTA QUESTA TUA POVERA CREATURA

E FALLE AV ERE QUEL POSTO

Non una nottata tranquilla, serena intendo. Mi sono rivoltata di continuo alla ricerca di sagome note, confondendo il sonno profondo con le immagini del pre abbandono, una specie di gelatina comatosa poco rassicurante. Sono letteralmnete saltata in piedi appena ho sentito una moto, saranno state le cinque di mattina, perchè ero convinta che quel rumore mi riguardasse. persino tra i miei adorati ulivi ogni suono felpato di passo su erba proveniente dalla rèdola appena sopra il mio covo è stato un attentato alla serenità. Invece era il Parroco che per non avermi visto si è messo a fare una beata pipì vicino al capanno, e quindi vicino a me. Ci siamo salutati come se niente fosse appena mi è passato davanti, consci entrambi di essere imbarazzati. Ma nemmeno poi troppo: lui non sapeva e io mi sono girata.

Ognuno nel suo piccolo è un’artista. Ma quando l’arte è minima, o minore, ci si muove lungo i binari delle cose che va bene cantare, dipingere, scrivere e raffigurare in genere. Dal macro al micro e mai l’inverso. La canzone d’amore più bella non dovrebbe mai usare la parola amore, dovrebbe esserci una legge che proibisce composizioni sulla guerra e i suoi effetti. La guerra è brutta e cattiva. E certo. E la fanno i padroni. E certo che ci sono anche i morti, le vittime innocenti, il sangue.

L’ignoranza e la protervia in genere compiono miracoli, beate in te tutte e due, ti riparano dall’arte e dalle sue sofferenze: in fin dei conti tu con la tua”arte” mantieni famiglia e macchina, vero ? Lascia perdere oi dialogoi, non è roba per te e i tuoi rialzi di gomma. Tu sei un nano morale, è all’anima che devi mettere le zeppe.

L’afa sotto gli alberi alle tre del pomeriggio è umida a calorosa, la terra sfiata anche lei e il corpo fa acqua tra le braccia, sotto le ginocchia, dalle tempie fino ai piedi: gocciole, gocciole, che sembrano insetti e ti fanno scattare su come se ci fosse una belva vicina.

L’ulivo non ci si può montare perchè è troppo basso, non ci si può riparare perchè è troppo piccolo, non ci si può appoggiare perchè è come una vecchietta secca.

Le foglie sono acute, ogni tanto si staccano e cascano pesanti se si pensa a quelle degli altri alberi, mi cascano addosso e mi svegliano ogni volta. Lucida di sudore.

Letta una dispensa di Morelli sulla felicità, ne seguiranno altre sull’etichetta della coppia, cioè cosa dire e cosa non dire, e su argomenti correlati alla capacità di trasformare la propria vita in un percorso autorealizzante invece che in una gara ad ostacoli.Le virtù dello scritto sono varie, non ultima la raccolta dei bollini che attraverso Donna Moderna ti immettono in un concorso di viaggi. La prefazione è di Maurizio Costanzo Show, che partecipa criticando quando non è impegnato a criticare partecipando.Cita Ennio Flaiano per prendere distanze ragionevoli dall’argomento. Scorro in maniera troppo veloce il librino per poterne davvero afferrare (con i piedi o con le mani?) il significato ma sufficiente per riconoscere miei tutti gli atteggiamenti negativi da bandire: mi porto il passato sulle spalle, faccio sempre il giochino dei “se”, ho aspettative enormi che si scontrano continuamente con la realtà e quando trovo un ristorante che mi piace ci torno fino a che il menù non mi chiama per nome.

Ma lo spunto è ottimo, il librino ha l’intento lodevole di fare stare meglio anche me, ennesimo lettore, attraverso questo mezzo piuttosto che un altro. Mi piace l’idea che ci sia chi ha il coraggio di dirti che si’ devi essere felice, quando delle risate amare e del cinismo non se ne può più. Certo è più popolare ridere di una donna di sessantanni on un litro di mascara sulle palpebre che va in balera, è più popolare e facile che arrivare ad un’età in cui gli altri si aspettano di vederti marcescire con dignità, la loro, invece che esserci nei fatti con la voglia di sparare altre due o tre cannonate. Ripensando alle mie serate in discoteca tra l’altro non posso fare a meno di rammentarmi di quanto sfigate e mortifere siano state.

“Lettera aperta del gruppo di lavoro sulla comunicazione Strano Network alle persone libertarie, a chi – individui e organizzazioni – si sente di sinistra, alla società civile, al Senatore Cortiana, all’arcipelago hacker sull’esigenza di reagire politicamente contro i recenti orientamenti liberticidi dell’Europa in tema di comunicazione digitale.” link

Mi stavo per tuffare con la bava alla bocca a mettere firme, firme elettroniche, io devo posso cambiare il mondo mi ripeto ogni giorno, il mondo non ha colore ma colori, bisogna combattere per la libertà proprio quando sembra che sia merce alla portata di tutti. E come mi sento?

Sì mi sento della società civile, mi lavo i piedi tutti i giorni. Sì mi piacciono gli hacker, sì sono d’accordo sul definire liberticidi gli orientamenti dell’Europa in tema di comunicazione digitale ma meglio qui che in Cina, sì sono un idividuo e sono anche un’organizzazione a scopo di lucro. Se mi sento di sinistra? Sì, quando il mio emisfero sinistro prende il sopravvento su quello destro, sì quando mi sveglio con la gota sinistra piena di segni, sì quando devo dare la precedenza in macchina. Tutto il resto del tempo mi sento una persona, maledetti stronzi, una persona. Fascisti infami che date una direzione alla libertà e che non vi compromettete mai le mani, fascisti voi non meno dei fascisti che non hanno mai messo piede in un centro sociale o un dubbio nella loro testa, integralisti, che avete messo il copyright al bene ma che state dalla parte del torto perchè fa chic.

Mentre mi rileggo l’articolo livorosa come un vecchio cirrotico che ha finito il vino e le forze per arrivare all’alimentari mi viene in mente l’artista Rudolf Schwarzkogler, morto per una sua performance. Il visionario, l’artista, l’ossessivo, il patologico Rudolf Schwarzkogler che si amputava per levare al corpo non solo dei pezzi. Morto dissanguato in nome dell’arte: forse il re dei coglioni, forse il Duchamp della body art, forse un malato e basta. Ma lui artifex vitae (mortisque) suae. Epoca di codardi che siamo, tutti dietro qualche bandiera. Di lino se di sinistra, di seta se di destra, seguo il clichè. Come diceva Piero Ciampi “mavvaffanculo, guarda che bel vaffanculo ti porti nella tomba, he he.”.

C’è qualcosa di peggio di un ignorante pieno di certezze: la sua fidanzata che gli dà manforte nella discussione. Ignorante è ognuno che affronti una discussione di politica internazionale (è tutta colpa delle multinazionali, Bin Laden è della cia, gli europei hanno più cultura, Matrix non è un film da Cannes, gli italiani sono dei codardi, questa sinistra non esiste, Berlusconi è come Mussolini, Sachmo la faceva parlare la tromba, i Francesi sono tutti fascisti, Elvis Presley è a Cuba e Saddam Hussein è nella stanza ovale con George Dabliu Bush) con la stessa leggerezza con cui si snocciola una ricetta della nonna dalla riuscita miracolosa – e come si fa a contraddire la nonna ?! – e dagli ingredienti segreti in dosi segrete come nella ricetta della Coca Cola. < /font>

Sono tempi bui, per l’informazione, ma ottimi per la disinformazione e pare che tutti ci si stia abituando a sleggere, sparlare e dispensare opinioni che non lasciano all’interlocutore nemmeno la gioia della risposta. Abbi dubbi cantava Bennato. Di tutte le cose sicure, la più certa è il dubbio diceva Brecht. Le promesse degli amanti andrebbero scritte sull’acqua, Eraclito o il Draghetto Grisù, non ricordo.

Non ho voglia di scrivere oggi e nemmeno ieri sera, mi fa male il ginocchio e fra telefono e campanello oggi l’umanità ha fatto un complotto per rovinarmi creatività e concentrazione.

Non ti viene mai voglia di cambiare la rotta? Non ti viene mai in testa che ci sono almeno due vite migliori di quella che stai facendo? In una di quelle invitami a cena e ripagami degli sforzi che ho fatto in questi ultimi giorni per “starti accanto” senza provare niente per te. Sei non solo ingrato, ma poco previdente. Stacco per un po’ di tempo se non ti dispiace.

Donne, uomini. Unitevi. Non è scritto che fino ai trenta sia discoteca e dai cinquanta liscio. Siamo timorosi noi italiani, si ha paura delle bandiere perché si sa che ci si fa avvolgere, ci si abbandona, noi si apprende ogni cosa persino ad una velocità straordinaria. Ti piace la stoffa indiana? La mia stoffa è indiana, comprala signore. Ti piace la stoffa francese? La mia stoffa è provenzale, comprala signora. La mia stoffa va venduta perché è la migliore e io te la adatterò fino a che non me la comprerai, con un’identità nuova ogni giorno, non si va per il sottile qui. Italiani che hanno paura dell’inno fascista e che non sanno (ricordano?) che è stato scritto prima della seconda guerra mondiale, prima.

La coorte, si stringono in coorte per difendersi. Tanti morivano anche di infarto a trascinarsi i cannoni a piedi. Italiani con un presidente che si spera solo non sia finalmente ammazzato per non doverci puppare anche la sua beatificazione a reti unite.

Uniamoci nel sacro ballo dunque, senti la musica stanotte che pace rotonda. La tua voglia di ballare, come la mia daltronde, come un idiota ha tutte le sue ragioni d’essere: abbiamo il corpo e la scusa che iddio ce l’ha dato probabilmente per non lasciarlo alle piaghe da decubito. Balla allora anche se non c’è nessun altro in piedi, che se non hai nemmeno la libertà di agitare le braccia da solo che vita è la tua?

Ci sono cose che se una avesse il coraggio di scriverle diventerebbe famosa in cinque minuti. Primo perchè una diventa un’icona, che so, di qualcosa. Ecco, con una sortita del tipo “la mattina un ditalino prima di iniziare a lavorare mentre bevi il caffè davanti al computer e poi inizi a messaggiare tutti e quaranta gli stronzi che ti messaggiano a loro volta” e una diventa un’icona del neo femminismo. E poi rimane invischiata nel personaggio come la povera Fallaci che per una sortita probellica ora si ritrova a tutte le conferenze del Fuan. E soprattutto gli uomini la scansano come una merda dei cani. Perchè la donna è vedo non vedo, dico non dico, dieta non dieta (io?! mangio come un maiale ma non ingrasso, seee seee, se tu vedessi, ma davvero, no io non ci vado in palestra sai che palle, no, no poi io sono magra ma morbida). Kyrieleison. O invece ” la mattina la prima cosa che faccio è guardare l’oroscopo. Poi mi spoglio e faccio yoga nuda, per entrare in contatto con me stessa, vado sul prato sotto casa, per non scottarmi mi ungo tutta di mallo di noce, ma piano, così mi friziono la pelle. No, non bevo e non fumo, sono cose da uomini, si fa il bagno nudi? sembra di stare nella placenta”. Kristeleison. E una diventa subito uno di quegli oggettini peluti e morbidi per cui i maschi vanno matti. Per le donne diventi una merda dei cani, ma questo è davvero meno importante. Oppure hai una causa cui immolarti: la famiglia, i monaci del Tibet, la foca bianca, la parrocchia, danza il martedì e il giovedì, i musei e via discorrendo per dieci anni) e te ne esci fuori con ” la nike di samotracia è meglio di un uomo, un’emozione al luuuvr, non puoi capire, mi sono dimenticata di mangiare”. In questo caso toccano gli uomini con una disfunzione o con un’alitosi biblica. Insomma scrivere o parlare è una responsabilit&ag rave; enorme nei confronti della tua persona e scegliere una direzione invece che un’altra può essere letale ai fini della propria esistenza sociale. Mi sono sempre chiesta perchè le donne dei circoli arci hanno i capelli crespi e quelle che prendono l’aperitivo in centro preferiscono l’oro bianco al giallo. E perchè gli uomini che hanno la risvolta dei pantaloni sono più bassi della media. E una quantità importante di interrogativi popolano la mia testa da quando ho capito che a spalancare gli occhi si ottengono più risultati che ad aprire bocca. Non sempre via.

Guardo il canino tosato cercando un lampo di umanità nei suoi occhi, un segno rivelatore di una vita passata da essere umano e mi indecido tra il grottesco – peli, cane, tagliati, animale, parrucchiere dei cani, regno animale, euro, moneta, cane, peli – e l’esistenziale – reincarnazione, cane, occhi, sguardo lucido, segni, umano, animo imprigionato. Io e il canino risolviamo la questione con un trancio di pizza vecchia e secca da dividere: metà in terra per lui metà sul tavolo per me dopo la sigaretta.

Si vede quel che si vuol vedere e stasera avrei gradito che il mio cane mi rivelasse (pacatamente per non spaventarmi) ciao Juanita sono io, sono qui dentro. Rimango delusa quindi, lui si accovaccia con quella testa rapata alla Giuni Russo e la pettorina rossa. Povero cane tosato e senza pulci. Il canino interagisce con il mio silenzio come nessuno, si sta zitti come topi solo che lui e’ un cane.

Dieci anni fa stavo studiando ” Alle fonti del Clitumno” in previsione della maturità classica, dove mi sarei esibita in una doppietta Latino – Italiano che è stato il mio esprit migliore in quarantadue anni di scuola – fra elementari e tentativi universitari -. Ieri sera ci siamo incontrati con degli ex compagni di classe per una birra: Gulio Lotti, Chiaretta Marcotulli, moi ed il fido Giulio. Mancavano Lisetta e Valentina perdiana. Abbiamo riso e deciso di organizzare per il 22 Giugno una due giorni a Vellano alla Locanda, un “grande freddo” de noantri, dove dormire e tirare le righe di quello che è successo nel frattempo, niente, e di tutte le realizzazioni messe in saccoccia, nessuna. E vedere chi di noi è ingrassata, si è sposata, fidanzata, chi è diventato più bello e chi più brutto. Si dorme tutti li’. E si fa colazione insieme. Tutti in gita e mi viene voglia di invitare anche i professori.

Le grandi rivoluzioni non le fanno i capi di stato, i rivoltosi o gli scienziati e nemmeno i giornalisti che raccontano le storie, i fotografi che fanno le fotografie o i sarti che cuciono la moda.In genere qualcuno, corrotto dentro e malanimo, capta l’aria e se la respira bene bene. Poi la espira e modella come fosse proprio sua e diventa il capo di una revoluciòn, il volto emblematico appunto. Tutti aspirano a diventare i capi di un moto di portata mondiale poi qualcunaltro ci riesce ed ecco com’è nata l’Opposizione. Queste specie di Tsunami epocali che noi identifichiamo in genere con una scoperta scientifica, con un certo giorno, anno, minuto storico, con un volto o un gruppo di umani facentigli capo, usano le persone – e non viceversa – per diffondersi, l’idea ha spirito e vita in sè. Ma i suoi focolai stanno negli uffici. Andiamo per esempi e gradi. Lo stitignoso times new roman debosciato in un punto quattordici , inguardabile oggi, vintàge domani, da cornice dopodomani, ha lasciato il posto al verdana punto dodici (omettendo il passaggio dell’entusiastico comic sans), font arrotondato, smussato, fluido, che nasconde il senso e appiattisce la forma a distrarre. Il verdana è una cellula di Al Qaeda.Ma fino a che si parla di forma i danni sono limitati. E’ nel frontespizio del fax che si annida il kèr kamikaze.

” Carissima Moira, allego fattura per richiesta da voi sollecitata mediante telefono riguardante numero dieci contenitori cartacei A4 sigillati spessore 120 mg/mm2 appresso alla merce in questione” Grazie, Jonatan.

Questo messaggio vuol dire Moira ecco le dieci risme di carta buona con la bolla. Moira non solo non è carissima perchè per un mugolone chiede solo dieci e uri, ma tu non l’hai nemmeno mai incontrata Jonatan, non ci hai condiviso nemmeno un attimo della sua e tua vite insulse, Moira esiste come te: in una firma commerciale. Carissima.

Ma che si vuole, da quando l’amministratore è delegato e la segretaria è assistente di produzione (umorale probabilmente) e tutto ha un nome, e ognuno ha una posizione nella gerarchia creata per giustificare l’obbedienza a un simile ma anche garantire la possibilita’ di progredire nella scala che porta al successo, ai soldi, al rispetto degli altri e poi si biforca in fica-fica-fica se uomo o culo-puppe-tutto-rifaccio se donna, da che questo miasma è assodato e accettato abbiamo iniziato il conto alla rovescia.

moira@lamiadittalamiavita.it

Chiamata dal Signore delle margherite rosse – Conad – per la campagna pubblicitaria toscana ho affrontato in data 12 maggio un colloquio. Mi ha onorato essere chiamata per una cosa così importante, sarebbe stata l’acme per me. Nel colloquio la signorina pressa sul fatto che non ho mai avuto un lavoro assicurato. E’ così che ci volete, no? Liberi, free lance, lancia libera. E allora perchè mi stai facendo tutte queste domande? Sì che mi è piaciuto insegnare, sì che mi è piaciuto lavorare a Londra, no non mi ha mai assicurato nessuno. No, non litigavo. Sì mi piace lavorare in team. Sì parlo Inglese. No, niente tedesco. No non ho mai fatto una campagna pubblicitaria per i supermercati. Sì fumo. Vorrei questo lavoro (che domanda del cazzo) perchè mi permetterebbe di utilizzare in sincrono tutte le conoscenze che ho: marketing e grafica. Bocciata.

Ci danno un test a scuola un giorno – Classico Forteguerri- verificare in un grafico Spostamento/Aumento di peso il variare di posizione di un cestello con dentro sei monete aggiungendo monete. Accapa Serena Lucarelli e chiede “professore fa lo stesso se il test l’ho fatto con delle forchette”? E io devo ancora capire se questa scena l’ho sognata o se davvero questa t’ha fatto davvero un test di Fisica con le forchette.

Più scrivi e più scriveresti – e più ti rileggi e più non capisci perchè scrivi.

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