Natale in casa Costello

Sono tempi di crisi. Non so se ne eri al corrente, in effetti potresti averlo sentito dire, qualcosa è uscito anche sui giornali. Pare che Babbo Natale abbia ceduto l’incarico a Zio Spread, che entra in casa con le tue chiavi, riempie il sacco con la tua roba e ti butta fuori a pedate facendoti passare dal camino. Sotto l’albero quest’anno ci andrai a vivere, invece che metterci i regali.

O forse no.

Una rockstar che dice qualcosa di non idiota è evento raro. Facendo lo slalom tra gli annunci di ritiro dalle scene e di ultima (ma anche ultimissimissima?) tournée che impestano il cantautorame nostrano, ho sentito un brivido di godimento all’altezza della collottola leggendo quello che ha scritto Elvis Costello. In pratica: “Non posso consigliarvi di regalare per Natale la mia ultima raccolta, perché il prezzo (250 euro per tre cd, un Lp e un dvd) sembra uno scherzo o un errore di stampa. Piuttosto compratevi il box Ambassador of Jazz di Louis Armstrong. Francamente è musica di gran lunga superiore”. Grande Costello, nel mio personale segnapunti azzecchi un’ottavina a nove sponde (cit.).

Però.

Naturalmente Elvis 2.0 ha ragione: quel prezzo è assurdo – e Satchmo è meglio. Del resto avrebbe pensato la stessa cosa chiunque, purchè dotato di portafoglio senza fisarmonica e due sinapsi. Il punto, semmai, è che il cofanetto da dieci cd di Louis costa sempre, fonte Costello, 150 dollari. Per le sue tasche immagino sia roba da poco. Ma con un po’ di impegno, e il budget di un cassaintegrato, si può fare meglio. Parecchio meglio.

Restando su Armstrong, per la cifra infima di 13,99 sterline ci si porta a casa la raccolta degli Hot Five & Seven dell’etichetta inglese JSP. Sono 5 cd con alcune delle registrazioni più importanti nella storia del jazz, quindi della musica novecentesca. Woody Allen, in Manhattan, inserisce Potato Head Blues tra i motivi per cui vale la pena di vivere, prima di spegnere il registratore e mettersi a correre, rammentandosi il viso di Tracy. Carlo Boccadoro ha scritto che questi dischi stanno alla musica del secolo scorso come la Guernica di Picasso sta alla pittura. Dubito che quest’ultima si trovi in giro per 16 euro, anche con cambio fatto a occhio. La JSP è specializzata in raccolte definitive a basso prezzo: tra le più imperdibili quelle dedicate a Django Reinhardt, Jelly Roll Morton, Bix Beiderbecke e Charlie Parker.

Billie Holiday quando canta addomestica i leoni. I pezzi registrati in studio con la Commodore, la Columbia o la Decca si trovano tutti a buon prezzo, ma la mia preferenza va ai sei cd di The Complete Verve Masters. Lascia perdere il packaging, il design e le foto scelte, il responsabile è un sadico in terapia, ma le canzoni meriterebbero 63 euro anche incartate nel giornale insieme alle triglie del cacciucco.

Potresti essere in bolletta totale, e  considerare seriamente un biglietto di auguri raccapricciante con il carillon e il rametto d’abete spruzzato di finta neve. Spenderesti di più di quello che ti costerà The George Gershwin Songbook a firma Ella Fiztgerald, nell’edizione della Not Now, che si trova anche in qualche megastore, oltre che su internet. Sono tre cd con le canzoni migliori del più grande compositore americano, e costano – giuro – 12,25 euro.

Non a tutti però piace il jazz. Per gli spocchiosi che lo considerano musichetta accostata ingiustamente alla Classica allestiamo un regalo monumentale,  e il miglior rapporto prezzo/qualità che si sia mai osservato dai tempi in cui la Callas cantò gratis “Tanti auguri a te” a un compleanno. Parlo della Beethoven Edition della Brilliant (85 cd a 99 sterline), con tutte le partiture del Ludovico Van e almeno dieci esecuzioni di enorme valore storico. Non ti basta? Esagerato. Vai di gemello Mozart Edition, che consegnerai con muletto annesso: 170 cd, siori e siore, a 107 euro.

Rock e dintorni, per codesti di voi che amano la nicchia e il giubbotto di pelle. I cofanetti in commercio dei Beatles vengono venduti da commessi con la mascherina nera, la pistola in pugno e una foto di tua figlia con il giornale di oggi come prova di esistenza in vita: altrimenti nessuno spenderebbe quelle cifre. Niente Fab Four per questo Natale, allora? Mica vero. Puoi comprare separatamente i tre dischi fondamentali (ok, i PIU’ fondamentali), nell’ordine: Revolver (5,99 sterline), Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (5,99 ) e l’album bianco, che si chiamerebbe The Beatles (8,99). In tutto fanno meno di 21 sterline. Il punto è che questi tre album che ne valgono potenza di n di quelli “normali”.

Paul Simon pubblica una raccolta che ripercorre tutta la sua carriera che io ti consiglio di ignorare, sterzando sulla Simon & Garfunkel  Collection, con tutti e cinque i dischi della coppia più il dvd del concerto a Central Park, quello originale. Prezzo 13,74 sterline. E’ aumentato di 1,50 da quando l’ho comprato io, un anno fa. C’è tutto: da Mrs Robinson a The Sound of Silence, da The Boxer a Scarborough Fair. La mia preferita oggigiorno è April, come she will.

Ricordo che, giurando che non stavi parlando di te stessa, mi avevi accennato di quella tua amica tirchia che voleva fare bella figura spendendo al massimo 10 euro . Ora, io sono il Gran Braccino Corto dell’Investimento Discografico, ma che pretendi, per quella cifra? Magari un cofanetto con i due live storici di Jonhny Cash? Ok, accattati Folsom Prison/St. Quentin a 7,83 pounds per sentire the man in black che la canta ai galeotti.

La discografia completa in studio di Leonard Cohen (11 album) costa 28 sterline. Credo che ogni sera vada eusaurita e che la ristampino ogni mattina. I primi tre capitoli nel librone de Il Grande Canadese valgono da soli l’investimento, e si può sorvolare sull’ultimo episodio, un po’ infimo – Dear Heater.

Grazie a questi tagli alla spesa ti potrai permettere la stessa depravazione che io mi sono concesso due anni fa: autoregalarti Complete Columbia Album Collection di Miles Davis, settanta dischi capaci, anche alla sola vista, di tramortire chiunque. In particolare è una perversione adatta a quelli che urlano shhhhhh appena sentono in lontananza il suono di una tromba smorzata dalla sordina. Quella tromba, smorzata, poi. Su internet costa 160 sterline, 2,28 a disco.

Basta così, hai la barba bianca e il buzzo rosso, Dio mio, contieniti.

Solo un’ultima raccomandazione: non scordarti di mandare il biglietto con carillon e abete innevato a casa Costello.

(Lorenzo Mei)

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