Sono ostaggio di mia figlia Mezza Pinta – ovvero della banda di adulti che qui sono impegnati ad asservirne i desideri. E vuoi i cartoni? E tesoro vuoi che camminiamo fino al parco? E ciccina ti andrebbero le pizzette sulla griglia e il gelato al caramello? La bambina, bersagliata di domande e offerte, è completamente rincorbellita e piange ad ogni schioccare di dita. Mi odiano tutti, in genere, ma oggi di più perchè ho fatto saltare la piscina alla fanciulla, povero cuore: avevo voglia di ronfare sul divano, sudare, appiccicarmi i capelli sulla guancia. No guys, I don’t want to go to the bloody pool, it’s my f** holidays too. Rivendico il diritto di essere una creatura spregevole, che antepone sè stessa al rinfrescamento della figlia, per una settimana all’anno.
Per dimostrarmi continuo disappunto, a turno hanno chiamato la signora della piscina, no we can’t come, sorry, con lo stesso tono dei piloti di Enola Gay – yes, we are bombarding in ten, nine, eight. C’hanno il muso. Hanno praticato musica anni ottanta per il pomeriggio e acquietato la mia adorata Radio Toscana Classica, che quassù si sente con 93 punto qualcosa. La bambina, forte del supporto di cento maschi che non se ne fa uno perbenino a mescolarli assieme, mi ha parlato tutto il pomeriggio e mi ha riempito di bacini, leccatine, pizzicotti e tutto quello che serve a disturbare la visione di National Geographic “Zanzare Tigre contro Ciabatte di Suora”. Uno ha persino fatto finta di andare a fare la spesa ed è andato alla piscina, probabilmente per dire che razza di maledetta sono.
Si rompono le amicizie per i bambini, che diventano nano estensioni delle nostre peggiori abitudini: quello che salta a tavola, quella che urla e va accontentata, i gemelli che dipingono le mura degli altri coi pennarelli. Piccoli re senza trono ma con un sacco di trombette. La mia povera figlia, cui viene impedito di annoiarsi e creare qualcosa col suo cervellino. La figlia della moglie di Coso, la cui maleducazione è superata solo dalla voglia della madre di sistemarsi nell’alta società. Il figlio di Cosa, che tira i pugni a me e agli altri bambini, mentre la mamma con tono mellifluo lo redarguisce col sorriso.
Bambini che hanno finalmente il diritto di fare quello che a noi non è stato concesso: masticare cingommi di un chilo, alzarsi e rialzarsi dal tavolo, urlare, fare i capricci. E noi, bamboccioni, dietro a questi nani malefici cui è stata regalata la triade dei desideri di Aladino – Avete il menù bambini? Signora, siamo in Toscana, i bambini li tolleriamo purchè mangino il cinghiale. Mi spiace, oggi niente piscina. Sono disposta a sorbirmi l’ostracismo e il malumore, persino la play list dell’Inglese. Quello che proprio non potrei tollerare da viva, è vedere la trasformazione della piccola bambina in un grande problema con la frangetta. Metti in fila, baby, queste sono le vacanze della mamma.
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@Enzo grazie, maremma impestata.
@Chiara grazie, tummifaiconfonde.
Juanita, 10 e lode!
Io in genere stempio il bimbo, lo minaccio peso e poi sorrido ai genitori.
Ecco una cosa che vorrei imparare a futura bisogna… Se un bimbo ti pesta la figliola e i genitori non intervengono? Che fare? Aspetti che non ci siano testimoni e poi lo stempi (il bimbo) o si richiamano i genitori dandogli dei falliti?
Graz
Ma come si fa oggi a essere bambini, da figli unici, con addosso tutti quegli occhi adoranti e quelle labbra di vecchia bacianti del giro di amici e parenti?! A me avrebbe fatto ribrezzo. Juanita, Mezza Pinta ti ringrazierà.
No Lorenzo, perchè se no poi gli tocca badarla. Ecco il trucco – andiamo in piscina così te passi la giornata a rincorrere la figliola e noi a pigliare il sole a bordo bar? Cucazz’
Ma quell’altri non ce la potevano portare in piscina, lasciandoti addivanata?
grande juanita , maremma cinghiala son daccordo con te !!!!