Ottavo comandamento: ammalia i vecchi.

Juanita de Paola, Federica de Paola, Alessandra de Paola

Quelli di noi che trascorrono molto tempo a trastullarsi non si saranno accorti di un fatto tanto grave quanto inevitabile: si invecchia; quegli altri, invece, sono nati anziani, dunque si stanno approssimando alla loro età genetica, vera – eccomi. Dalla parte dei primi c’è da dire che tirano l’enonomia, quindi abbiamo tutto l’interesse a mantenerli in buona salute: aperitivo, palestra, vestiti, trucchi, parrucchi, discoteche, baretti, ristoranti, Mar Rosso e così via.

Un esercizio che conforta i nostri, che si dirigono verso le pantofole come i dinosauri facevano per l’estinsione, è quello di cercare di stringere relazioni con le persone decrepite, per cominciare a prepararsi il pensiero. Nella prima fase di questa ginnastica si cercano le tracce della giovinezza negli occhi di queste tartarughe rugose, per vedere se ne rimane. Sorpresa: il lumino è lì, intatto, e anche loro si chiedono come mai il corpo non reagisce allo stimolo, immutato, della mente.

Si passa dunque alla fase successiva, in cui si cerca di intercettare più sguardi possibili, per capire se la vecchina brillante era un’eccezione o se. Sorpresa: salvo rarissimi casi, ovvero quelli che comunque erano imbecilli da piccini, la candela è accesa dovunque. Anzi. E’ una torcia, una tempesta, un fuoco che fa male a guardarsi, perchè non si riesce a disimpantanarlo.

Confusi, si arriva alla terza fase: contatto. Saremo stupiti da quanto le donne siano ancora delle tremende, e gli uomini dei pervertiti senza denti: per quanto il tuo spirito sia quello dell’entomologo, distaccato, studente, loro ci proveranno. E ti viene un pò da ridere, dici, ma cosa vuoi fare, dove vuoi andare a parare. Al massimo possiamo giocare assieme Win For Life, te l’immagini che sfiga se vinci?

Eppure loro ci proveranno, allungheranno le cateratte per cercare di scorgere pezzi di seno, ti apriranno la porta solo per vedere se ti ci strusci. Le donne, d’altro canto, terminata la nenia dei dolori, confesseranno tutti gli adulterì di cui sono state capaci, dopo solo tre biscottini svedesi.

Ieri mattina sono entrata al baretto colazione numero due, e un signore con un dente, alzto mezzo metro, mi ha salutato. Ho risalutato, ci mancherebbe. Poi mi sono seduta e lui si è seduto accanto a me, chiedendomi se ero calabrese. Io sono di orgini calabresi, quindi ho annuito entusiasta. Mi ha offerto il caffè. Poi gli ho dato la mano per salutarlo, e lui mi ha strizzato l’occhiolino, come a dire, ci siamo capiti io e te, eh, che avremmo potuto fare se solo fossimo giù al paese nostro eh.

Eh.

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