La strada è libera e c’è la canzone con la chitarra molto alta: si sente che c’è aria di rivoluzione quando uno strumento prevale sugli altri. Infatti la notte fuori è tersa e buia come la buca di un tasso: i pensieri sono chiari, la gioia mi esplode nello stomaco. Sono io, è la macchina, è la musica alta senza che nessuno possa chiedere di abbassare – è anche la sigaretta più pesante del solito, perchè io non ci so fare coi distributori automatici e mi ritrovo con due camel 100’s invece che le pall mall celesti. Mi emoziono, io: sbaglio la benzina, non so aprire il tappo, non so selezionare. Ho sempre paura che non mi rendano il resto, a me che calcolo i centesimi, e difatti stasera ho dovuto utilizzare il credito di dieci euro per un altro pacchetto. Ho sbagliato anche quello.
Mi fermo lì e penso che la mia vita è così: mantengo il buon umore con due pacchetti di sigarette sbagliati, ma ancora non ho capito qual è la tecnica per ordinare, ottenere proprio quello che voglio. Ho il pudore dei desideri, mi contento. Non importa. Faccio la strada normale, vorrei che durasse tutta la notte. Mi ricordo di quanto sia bella l’America, aldilà di tutto, della sensazione che ti dà quando la percorri in macchina e passano ore così, senza un arrivo. Quella potenza del sapere che si può provare, è lecito pensare in grande: te lo impediranno, certo, ma non sarà un foglio che non hai firmato. Piuttosto qualcuno che ti dichiara guerra – ma quello è più facile da affrontare.
La notte che abbiamo camminato a piedi nudi per New York ho pianto spesso, perchè c’era talmente tanta gente che pensavo di essere morta e risorta. C’erano anche queste porte piccole che sembravano chiamarti l’anima di sotto, da qualche parte. E con la testa in su c’era il grigio, poi gli edifici altissimi, poi tutto il resto dell’universo. Eravamo tre, la prima volta, e due la seconda. Un pò come in carcere, quando con un filo di cotone e il vuoto siderale si fanno nascere un alfabeto e un traffico illecito di stupefacenti, l’animo umano dimostra nelle piccole cose di essere pieno di risorse. Un pò come gli esseri umani, che fanno partorire una galeotta e la separano da un figlio per farla tornare in galera, l’animo umano è pieno di bottino, e punisce quello che non sa risargire. Stasera, nella mia macchina con la mia musica e la notte ruggente, là fuori, penso al mio filo di cotone, al mio alfabeto, al mio traffico illecito di gioia senza motivo apparente. E che duri.
55 risposte su “Piccolo inno alla gioia.”
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