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Il maialino di latte cotto nel forno con l’alloro e le spezie di Asterix esce fuori e mi dice ciao prima di posarsi davanti alla mia magnifica persona. Un odore di grassezza francese, da Versailles, mi entra dalle narici dilatate e va a stimolare l’appetito, la ghiandola della gioia e anche i capelli – che si arricciolano, come un codino di porco. Al solito mangio con le mani, che da quando ho letto he nella vita passiamo piu’ di un anno a cercare di fare con gli utensili quello che con le mani potremmo fare in un qarto del tempo, vado al sodo.

Mangiare nella vita non basta. Bisogna sapere di poter mangiare piu’ di tutti, visualizzarsi in quella situazione pantagruelica e immediatamente dopo in uno scamiciatino Liz Hurley va in campagna.  Mai preoccuparsi degli uomini che amano le donne che non mangiano: essi hanno problemi alla prostata quando non sono refusi psicotici di una coppia stragiata. Mai nemmeno curarsi di quelli che vi guardano obliquamente quando mangiate con le mani, queste persone non vorreste passarci insieme piu’ di un’ora all’anno, tanto vale gettare subito i presupposti per la lontanza.

Le donne attorno a me, al solito, ordinano un’insalata e mangiano bocconcini di pane tralasciando la crosta; gli uomini ordinano un vino che non c’incastra nulla, ma nulla, con i piatti scelti e si compiacciono fra di loro. Non protesto, ci sono abituata. Beviamo cosi’ vino rosso siciliano, oime’, sulle patate farinose e i brandelli di maiale, che nuota in un sughetto divino, che mi fa venire voglia di inghiottirmi la lingua.

Per dolce una stesa di pecorini e miele di tutti i colori, chiedo un cespo di fave crude e me ne portano un mazzettino, ma va bene cosi’. Cosa sono, fagioli? Chiede la commensale piu’ cretina, e io mi chiedo se la gente pensa mai prima di parlare. Lo psichiatra non ordina il dolce, passiamo diretti agli amari. Due. Ridendo e scherzando ho diluviato il maialino da sola, sara’ bene che cammini fino a Bologna per smaltirne la massa, ma poi opto per un secondo amaro e mi sento in pace.

Al conto le donne dichiarano il mangiato cavandosela con qualche euro, io mi aggiungo  ai pagatori alla romana, cosi’ come si conviene alle persone serie. Poi chiedo alla signora che ci fa il conto se le mie commensali devono pagare i due chili di pane che hanno mangiato o se va bene cosi’. Non ci vogliono le quote rosa, ci vogliono le donne intelligenti.  God damn it.

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