Mi alzo prima di tutti. Se non lo faccio vuole dire che c’è qualcosa di triste che mi blocca nel letto e che sto cercando un buco all’interno del materasso in cui svanire come il bianconiglio. Poi si alza lei, la regina della casa, il buco nero del mio tempo, la fine del sesso droga and rock n’roll e l’inizio dell’amore che è una banca di ossigeno. Viene e fa la questua delle colazioni che vorrebbe, nessuna presente in casa, e poi si accontenta oggi di un uovo alla coque e domani dei rice-crispies, ma solo con una pioggia di zucchero sopra. I coco pops le sono proibiti da lui, il terzo ad alzarsi, detto anche sua altezza mai serena o faccia a culo di gallina, per quante volte arriccia il naso e la bocca in una specie di ‘o’ tutta rugosa nell’arco della giornata. L’inglese. Che poi è un americano dell’Ohio che è venuto a sciacquare i panni in Europa e certi giorni esagera con l’ammorbidente.
Quando loro sono alzati io ho già pulito la cucina, mandato la lavastoviglie, sprimacciato i cuscini del divano dove ho sicuramente dormito, buttato via di nascosto qualcuno dei giornali dell’Inglese che si impilano mese dopo mese e aperto le finestre. Se ne ho sottomano, ho anche acceso una candela ai fichi e cassis, una delle debolezze sviluppate verso la quarantina.
Accendo il bollitore mai dopo le sei e cinquanta e mi faccio il primo caffè americano. Due pasticchine di dolcificante e uno spruzzo di latte, un morso ai biscotti. Ho smesso di prendere la pasticca della tiroide come atto di rivoluzione contro l’umanità. Accendo il computer ed in genere qui è quando faccio la mia preghierina del mattino, che consiste in un semplice ‘Grazie’. Segue il ‘Proteggili’.
Vado a riguardarmi le foto e rileggere gli articoli del giorno prima e poi mi scrivo il programma della giornata. In fondo ad ogni pagina scrivo sempre “non importa che sia perfetto” per aiutarmi, giacchè soffro di piccole ossessioni che mi rattrista non assecondare. Tipo. Una volta fatta la lista, qualunque emergenza mi atterra l’umore perchè mi tocca interrompere il ciclo che mi ero disegnata in testa.
So che prima che si svegli la Mezza Pinta devo finire il primo pezzo, quello personale, e rispondere agli amici di Facebook e Twitter, altrimenti dopo non avrò modo di farlo. Ce la faccio una mattina su otto, e comunque mai quanto vorrei.
Alle dieci inizia la cavalcata: una email ogni quaranta secondi, con l’obiettivo di non lasciarne nessuna al giorno dopo o, ancora peggio, ad un ipotetico dopo di cui non si conosce l’entità. Certe volte gli intervalli sono ancora inferiori, ma il sistema che abbiamo creato in ufficio mi permette di reagire quasi istantaneamente, anzi, credo di essere più veloce di qualunque database casa vacanza io abbia frequentato in questi dodici anni. Il mio record su pista sono quattro offerte complete e dettagliate, belle a vedersi – un’altra delle piccole compulsioni – nell’arco dei quattro minuti dall’atterraggio della richiesta nella mia email.
Ogni lasciata è persa. Cerco di rispondere a tutti, cortesemente, e di leggere i suggerimenti anche più strampalati che mi arrivano: è incredibile come stando ad ascoltare senza pregiudizio la voce degli altri si impieghi la metà del tempo a fare il doppio delle cose. Quando non ce la faccio mando una email che dice “non ce la farò oggi a risponderti, ti prego di rimandarmi questa stessa email Giovedì alle cinque”. Giovedì pomeriggio è il mio mezzo giorno della penitenza, del recupero, dove rimetto a posto tutto quello che ho dovuto lasciare a giro, sul desktop, nella mia testa. E’ anche il mio giorno preferito, perchè la mattina è dedicata allo studio: un lusso grande, un piacere profondo, del potermi dedicare alle letture che mi sono messa da parte. Sono links, pdfs, stracci di giornale, pezzi di libri, roba accatastata in attesa di trapassarmi e, se sono fortunata, lasciare qualcosa.
Nessuno di noi fa un lavoro normale. Non ci sono orari per l’Inglese, ma favorisce il lasso di tempo fra le due del pomeriggio e le quattro della mattina. Dopo le dieci di sera è proibito rivolgersi la parola e viviamo in silenzio, uno accanto all’altro, come due tartarughe in un rettilario. Ogni tanto mi manda un link, così stiamo guardando la stessa pagina, nella stessa stanza, su due computer diversi. Dopo un pò di tempo mi chiede feedback con lo sguardo e io lo do volentieri: niente di quello che mi fa leggere mi piace, niente di quello che gli faccio leggere gli piace. Siamo allineatissimi.
Mi addormento sul divano e verso le due di notte quella creatura così lunga e magra mi si accovaccia accanto. Dura una mezzoretta e poi va nel suo letto, dove si addormenta a pancia in su come gli omicidi. Guardiamo solo reality tv. Tutta. Dalle mogli di Atlanta fino ai processi in diretta dalla Corte della giudice Judy, passando per jail, cops e compagnia cantanti.
Mi affascina la vita che non potrò vivere, mi incanto a guardare i documentari e meno ne capisco, più mi piace. Mi chiedo come sarebbe stato se. Ogni tanto invidio quelle finestre con la luce gialla, da dentro, quando fuori fa buio, che nascondono storie di umanità varia e diversa che è – l’ho già detto – la mia grande passione.
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