Sei un povero disgraziato? Buon per te.

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Gente che non sa più come fare a nascondere un patrimonio. Dieci anni fa la mia amica F se ne andava alle terme di Petriolo, aveva venti e qualcosa, in una spa, con servizio – diciamo, con slancio generoso – di lusso. Ci andava col suo fidanzatino, oggi suo marito e padre delle sue tre figlie. Lui era un piegatore seriale di magliette in centro commerciale con pettorali a forma di fesa di tacchino, lei la figlia di un grande avvocato, assieme avevano trovato lei l’ammore che si suda, lui un destino lavorativo per impiegare il suo (ancora oggi) povero cervellino. Tralascio i copiosi tradimenti, che ho scoperto essere parte integrante del tessuto matrimoniale nazionale. Andavano lieti, nella macchina rombante, broum, broum, decappottata, con la musica a caso della radio digei. Mai fidarsi di quelli che dicono io ascolto di tutto – prima di tutto non è vero, e poi se è vero c’è qualcosa di marcio.

Io ho sempre detto a F che ammiravo la leggerezza con cui lei andava a Courchevel a vedere che c’era da fare quando noi facevamo colletta per salire all’Abetone, pur sapendo alla perfezione cosa c’era. Non c’era sforzo, non c’era sfarzo: forse ha ragione chi dice che la differenza fra essere ricche e essere povere è solo scegliere le calze nuove per infilarle sotto i jeans. Mettila un pò come ti pare, coi soldini giusti si sta proprio bene se ci si sanno godere. F gustava la mia ammirazione, come una amuse bouche. Siamo ancora amiche e pure care.

Il mio amico G, invece, soffre l’avere patrimonio di famiglia. Lo patisce. Al punto che si è inventato una vita di musica alternativa e escapologie messicane che puntualmente lo riconvergono alla base, magione di duemila metri quadri sapientemente tenuta nascosta agli amici – sai, è dei miei genitori, ma io ho già rinunciato all’eredità, non me ne frega un cazzo a me. Vagli a spiegare che non è vero. G ha un gusto spiccatissimo, fra noi scherziamo e diciamo che ha già messo un piede nella stanza di là, quella dell’omosessualità – e sia chiaro che chi scrive non ha assolutamente nulla da dire in proposito. Veste raffinato, leggero, pare che non abbia mai freddo. Organizza feste a tema dove tutti, dico tutti, sono bellissimi. Gente che lo stivale con la cerniera larga non sa nemmeno dove sta.

G si fa tutte le rassegne dai titoli più pesanti e vive in una specie di pauperismo a tempo: dalle sei del pomeriggio fino alle due della notte è G che ucciderebbe pur di essere un povero disgraziato. Pur di potere pronunciare la frase No, stasera non posso venire fuori a mangiare la pizza. Non ho i soldi. Ora, lui la butta lì lo stesso. Ma per permettersi di ripetere la sequenza senza che qualcuno che ne conosce la casata gli rompa il collo, c’è bisogno di un ricambio continuo di amicizie, tutte da pescare in posti tattici. C’è bisogno ogni giorno di una persona nuova per potersi reinventare un passato da poveretto. Naturalmente G sta con una cavalla purosangue, anche lei un pò bohemienne, che studia teatro, che fuma più di quel che mangia, che d’estate non raggiunge mamma al Forte. Campeggio.

Il mio amico R, infine, è un povero disgraziato. E’ uno che gli è andato tutto male: la salute, mentale soprattutto, il tempismo, la macchina. Ha una moglie terribile – cattiva, lo odia. Vota Banana, come tutti quelli che vengono dalla medio-bassa borghesia lavorante. Non mangia pizza se va al ristorante perchè quella è roba da disgraziati, piuttosto, una bella bistecca tagliata per tutti e poi niente calzini e mutande nuove per altri sei mesi. Sogna il riscatto ma nel frattempo cerca di fare felici i suoi familiari: la cintura di Quello, le scarpe di Quell’altro – pensa che imbecille, se solo sapesse che G compra le scarpe di pannolenci da venti euro in colori improbabili solo per sembrare ancora più trascurato.

Io dico che uno pagherebbe l’altro per rubargli la vita. Non per sempre, sia chiaro. E nemmeno stilisticamente, chè quel disgraziato di R compra solo cose con le marche che si vedono bene bene. Io dico che il vicco G, per provare la gioia di sentirsi come gli altri, coi problemi di arrivare a fine mese e quella roba lì – very cool, molto ghetto, si sopporterebbe anche la spesa con la famiglia il sabato mattina, col trepperdue. R, invece, a G lo schifa. Non lo capisce e tutte le volte che lo vede ne dice nere: ma guarda se si può vedere il figlio di Coso che va a giro vestito in quella maniera. I due segmenti si sono rubati l’etica e l’estetica, il che è buffo. Sarebbe ora che se le restituissero.

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  261. France

    Mi son perso..
    Definivo il lemma “big whip”.
    E “chiaccherato” non è da chi ma cosa (dighedoghe)

  262. France

    Ahahahahah.
    No ma per me è uno status a cui tendere, non un costume da fustigare! Come portare le scarpe senza calze senza sembrare uno colto dalla piena durante la notte.
    O frustone.

  263. Jack3Mani

    il problema è che l’ erba del vicino è sempre più verde, ma dopo due tiri della mia non me ne frega più niente.
    (ho rieditato mi avevano spostato le lettere sulla tastiera)

  264. Juanita de Paola

    @Sconessa, ganzo il tuo blog. Ora ti seguo.
    @France: te ti metti il piumino con il pelo attorno alla faccia e molesti brave ragazze con connessione internet.
    @Jack: siamo tutti soli, ma io sono anche di femore corto.

  265. sconnessa

    I ricchi si vestono da poveri e i poveri (indebitandosi) si vestono da ricchi.
    I ricchi si vergognano di essere ricchi, i poveri di essere poveri.
    Ma a differenza della ricchezza, credo che la povertà può essere attraente solo se non sai veramente cos’è.
    Bel post!

  266. France

    Si già… Esiste una categoria di persone, uomini generalmente, che pare non abbiano mai freddo..
    Io non riuscirò mai a uscire a gennaio con la giacchina di panno e il cencino al collo…

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