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Sei un povero disgraziato? Buon per te.

Io dico che il vicco G, per provare la gioia di sentirsi come gli altri, coi problemi di arrivare a fine mese e quella roba lì – very cool, molto ghetto, si sopporterebbe anche la spesa con la famiglia il sabato mattina, col trepperdue.

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Gente che non sa più come fare a nascondere un patrimonio. Dieci anni fa la mia amica F se ne andava alle terme di Petriolo, aveva venti e qualcosa, in una spa, con servizio – diciamo, con slancio generoso – di lusso. Ci andava col suo fidanzatino, oggi suo marito e padre delle sue tre figlie. Lui era un piegatore seriale di magliette in centro commerciale con pettorali a forma di fesa di tacchino, lei la figlia di un grande avvocato, assieme avevano trovato lei l’ammore che si suda, lui un destino lavorativo per impiegare il suo (ancora oggi) povero cervellino. Tralascio i copiosi tradimenti, che ho scoperto essere parte integrante del tessuto matrimoniale nazionale. Andavano lieti, nella macchina rombante, broum, broum, decappottata, con la musica a caso della radio digei. Mai fidarsi di quelli che dicono io ascolto di tutto – prima di tutto non è vero, e poi se è vero c’è qualcosa di marcio.

Io ho sempre detto a F che ammiravo la leggerezza con cui lei andava a Courchevel a vedere che c’era da fare quando noi facevamo colletta per salire all’Abetone, pur sapendo alla perfezione cosa c’era. Non c’era sforzo, non c’era sfarzo: forse ha ragione chi dice che la differenza fra essere ricche e essere povere è solo scegliere le calze nuove per infilarle sotto i jeans. Mettila un pò come ti pare, coi soldini giusti si sta proprio bene se ci si sanno godere. F gustava la mia ammirazione, come una amuse bouche. Siamo ancora amiche e pure care.

Il mio amico G, invece, soffre l’avere patrimonio di famiglia. Lo patisce. Al punto che si è inventato una vita di musica alternativa e escapologie messicane che puntualmente lo riconvergono alla base, magione di duemila metri quadri sapientemente tenuta nascosta agli amici – sai, è dei miei genitori, ma io ho già rinunciato all’eredità, non me ne frega un cazzo a me. Vagli a spiegare che non è vero. G ha un gusto spiccatissimo, fra noi scherziamo e diciamo che ha già messo un piede nella stanza di là, quella dell’omosessualità – e sia chiaro che chi scrive non ha assolutamente nulla da dire in proposito. Veste raffinato, leggero, pare che non abbia mai freddo. Organizza feste a tema dove tutti, dico tutti, sono bellissimi. Gente che lo stivale con la cerniera larga non sa nemmeno dove sta.

G si fa tutte le rassegne dai titoli più pesanti e vive in una specie di pauperismo a tempo: dalle sei del pomeriggio fino alle due della notte è G che ucciderebbe pur di essere un povero disgraziato. Pur di potere pronunciare la frase No, stasera non posso venire fuori a mangiare la pizza. Non ho i soldi. Ora, lui la butta lì lo stesso. Ma per permettersi di ripetere la sequenza senza che qualcuno che ne conosce la casata gli rompa il collo, c’è bisogno di un ricambio continuo di amicizie, tutte da pescare in posti tattici. C’è bisogno ogni giorno di una persona nuova per potersi reinventare un passato da poveretto. Naturalmente G sta con una cavalla purosangue, anche lei un pò bohemienne, che studia teatro, che fuma più di quel che mangia, che d’estate non raggiunge mamma al Forte. Campeggio.

Il mio amico R, infine, è un povero disgraziato. E’ uno che gli è andato tutto male: la salute, mentale soprattutto, il tempismo, la macchina. Ha una moglie terribile – cattiva, lo odia. Vota Banana, come tutti quelli che vengono dalla medio-bassa borghesia lavorante. Non mangia pizza se va al ristorante perchè quella è roba da disgraziati, piuttosto, una bella bistecca tagliata per tutti e poi niente calzini e mutande nuove per altri sei mesi. Sogna il riscatto ma nel frattempo cerca di fare felici i suoi familiari: la cintura di Quello, le scarpe di Quell’altro – pensa che imbecille, se solo sapesse che G compra le scarpe di pannolenci da venti euro in colori improbabili solo per sembrare ancora più trascurato.

Io dico che uno pagherebbe l’altro per rubargli la vita. Non per sempre, sia chiaro. E nemmeno stilisticamente, chè quel disgraziato di R compra solo cose con le marche che si vedono bene bene. Io dico che il vicco G, per provare la gioia di sentirsi come gli altri, coi problemi di arrivare a fine mese e quella roba lì – very cool, molto ghetto, si sopporterebbe anche la spesa con la famiglia il sabato mattina, col trepperdue. R, invece, a G lo schifa. Non lo capisce e tutte le volte che lo vede ne dice nere: ma guarda se si può vedere il figlio di Coso che va a giro vestito in quella maniera. I due segmenti si sono rubati l’etica e l’estetica, il che è buffo. Sarebbe ora che se le restituissero.

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683 risposte su “Sei un povero disgraziato? Buon per te.”

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Nous présenterons ainsi successivement les conditions liées au soignant (I), les exigences relatives à l’environnement où est réalisée la « roqya » (II). Nous aborderons ensuite la question de la gratuité de la prestation ou de sa contrepartie financière et enfin les conditions dans laquelle elle est réalisée (III). I- Les conditions liées au soignant Souvent la « roqya » est perçue comme une pratique dispensée par un tiers. Or, il est essentiel de rappeler et de souligner un fait important : la meilleure des « roqya » est celle que nous dispensons nous-mêmes à travers le « dhikr » et la récitation du Coran. Ainsi, pour se prémunir des maux liés au mauvais œil ou à la sorcellerie, il convient régulièrement de lire le Coran et faire des invocations notamment celles du matin et du coucher, de réciter régulièrement la sourate « La vache », de renouveler son intention, de placer la certitude dans son cœur, d’effectuer ses prières etc., et surtout de demander à Allah la meilleure des protections. Toutefois, dans certaines conditions, il est nécessaire de recourir à un soignant. C’est à ce stade qu’il convient d’être vigilant. Il ne suffit pas de se rendre auprès d’une personne qui se présente avec la qualité de cheikh ou d’imam pour accepter de lui confier cette pratique. Comme pour tout procédé et encore plus lorsque cela relève de considérations religieuses, il est important de bien choisir son soignant car ce dernier est tenu de posséder des qualités bien affirmées. La maîtrise du Coran et des traditions prophétiques en la matière est une condition sine qua none, mais insuffisante. La personne doit également avoir des notions de psychologie afin de déterminer la part de sorcellerie et celle de troubles psychologiques fréquents chez les patients. La personne doit posséder une bonne hygiène de vie, notamment spirituelle puisqu’il n’est pas inutile de rappeler que le succès de la « roqya » dépend de Dieu. Ces critères sont difficilement évaluables, surtout par une personne qui est affectée par un mal-être, quelle que soit sa source. C’est pourquoi les proches doivent accompagner la personne dans la recherche d’un soignant qualifié et reconnu comme tel par des référents religieux de la localité (imam, responsables associatifs, etc.). De manière générale, le soignant doit posséder des qualités déterminées que nous pouvons synthétiser de la manière suivante. Il doit : être en capacité de lire le Coran, croire avec certitude au Coran, être empreint de piété, connaître les pièges et les caractéristiques du diable et des djinns, connaître la méthode prophétique de la « roqya », disposer de connaissances de base en psychologie, avoir la conviction que le succès de sa thérapie dépend de Dieu. A l’exception de la première exigence, il semble difficile de vérifier les autres conditions dans le cadre d’un entretien téléphonique avec une personne que nous n’avons jamais rencontrée, même si elle se présente sous le titre de « cheikh » ou d’un imam. Par conséquent, ces conditions soulignent une première limite quant au recours à la « roqya » par téléphone. Par ailleurs, à l’instar de tout médecin, le soignant doit, avant de prodiguer des conseils ou une médication, procéder à une consultation. Ainsi, un environnement adéquat est indispensable pour la réalisation d’une « roqya ». Il est enfin inconcevable qu’un médecin puisse vous affirmer par téléphone connaître votre maladie et attester pouvoir vous guérir. Vous auriez plus que des doutes sur ce prétendu médecin. II- Un environnement propice et la réalisation d’une consultation préalable à la réalisation d’une « roqya » Il est intéressant de noter que, dans son ouvrage « Comment se protéger des djinns & satan », Wahîd ‘Abdussalâm Bâli évoque l’importance du climat pour réaliser une roqya[2]. Ainsi, il expose les points suivants : « 1. Préparer le climat adéquat en faisant par exemple sortir les images et les statues de la pièce où on va soigner le malade, pour permettre aux anges d’y entrer. 2. Débarrasser le sujet de tout ce qu’il peut porter sur lui comme talismans ou amulettes et les brûler. 3. Éteindre tout ce qui peut émettre le son de la musique et des chants. 4. Vider le lieu de tout ce qui comporte une infraction à la shari‘a à savoir, par exemple, la présence d’un homme qui porte de l’or ou une femme qui ne porte pas le voile légal – al-hijab. 5. Donner au malade et à sa famille une leçon de dogme de façon à ce que leurs cœurs ne soient pas attachés à un autre qu’Allah. 6. Leur faire savoir que la façon de soigner est différente de celle des sorciers et des charlatans et que le Coran recèle guérison et miséricorde, comme l’a informé Allah le Puissant et le Majestueux. 7. Diagnostiquer son cas : pour cela poser des questions au malade pour s’assurer de la présence de tous les symptômes (…) ». Or, dans les témoignages communiqués, l’interlocuteur qui se présente comme soignant ne pose aucune question aux personnes. Il débute ainsi la « roqya » directement par une récitation du Coran. En outre, il est intéressant de souligner que dans l’un des témoignages communiqués à l’UFCM, l’interlocuteur demandait à la personne de remplir successivement des verres de lait, d’huile, d’eau etc. et de les poser par la suite sur la table de la salle à manger. Au point que la personne s’est retrouvée avec une multitude de verres posés sur la table. Le comble est que la personne ignorait ce qu’elle devait en faire lorsqu’elle a pris conscience de la tromperie. Nous constatons par conséquent qu’une « roqya » ne peut être réalisée dans un environnement quelconque. En effet, une procédure de diagnostic est essentielle. Nous pouvons à titre d’exemple faire le parallèle avec un rendez-vous chez le médecin ; ce dernier ne peut vous prescrire une ordonnance sans au préalable vous avoir ausculté et interrogé sur les différents symptômes que vous ressentez physiquement. A défaut, au lieu de guérir vous allez aggraver vos maux. Cette attitude vigilante du médecin traitant doit se retrouver lorsque nous envisageons le recours à une « roqya ». Pour illustrer ce propos, nous citerons l’exemple de l’anthropologue, spécialiste de l’islam européen, Farid El Asri, chercheur associé au Centre Jacques Berque, qui nous rapporte une situation alarmante suite à une « roqya » : « Une jeune femme en Belgique (…) est morte suite à une tentative d’exorcisme. Pendant les séances, les fkihs (imams) utilisent normalement de l’eau « coranisée ». Pour cette jeune femme, prétendument stérile, les exorcistes ont carrément plongé son visage dans l’eau et quand elle tentait d’en sortir pour respirer, les guérisseurs estimaient qu’il s’agissait du jinn qui l’habitait et ils replongeaient son visage dans l’eau. Pendant le procès, la famille de la défunte s’est présentée comme musulmane et a accusé ces pratiques d’être extérieures à l’islam quand les guérisseurs estimaient qu’ils avaient simplement fait ce qu’ils pouvaient. Le fait de recourir trop systématiquement au fkih risque également de faire passer une crise d’épilepsie, par exemple, pour une crise de possession. »[3] Nous allons aborder enfin la dernière problématique, celle relative aux honoraires du soignant. III- Les honoraires du soignant Le Prophète, bénédictions et salut sur lui, « a agréé les Compagnons qui ont été payés pour la roqya ». Il est dès lors autorisé de rémunérer un soignant en contrepartie d’une prestation. Toutefois, cette rémunération doit être raisonnable et surtout clairement définie avant le traitement. En outre, nous ne pouvons que souligner et rappeler que, si la roqya est réalisée dans un cadre sérieux, il convient de procéder à toutes les déclarations administratives. Comme pour tout contrat, vous devez exiger un document écrit et le praticien doit préciser quels sont ses engagements exacts afin d’éviter tout litige postérieur. Malheureusement, tous les témoignages transmis à l’UFCM soulignent que l’interlocuteur insiste à plusieurs reprises sur la gratuité de la prestation. Or, dans les faits, cette dernière est payante puisque le coût de la communication est surtaxé. Ainsi, l’une des victimes qui nous a contacté, s’est retrouvée avec une facture téléphonique (hors forfait) de 1800 euros. Par conséquent, nous constatons que ces « roqyas » gratuites sont fondées sur la technique dite du « call-back » qui consiste à amener une personne à rappeler un numéro surtaxé, information qui lui est bien évidemment dissimulée. Une « roqya » peut être payante à condition de respecter un cadre prédéterminé, fondé sur l’information et la transparence des honoraires. 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Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic however ,
I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing
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I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you
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Terrific blog by the way!

Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!

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Mi son perso..
Definivo il lemma “big whip”.
E “chiaccherato” non è da chi ma cosa (dighedoghe)

Ahahahahah.
No ma per me è uno status a cui tendere, non un costume da fustigare! Come portare le scarpe senza calze senza sembrare uno colto dalla piena durante la notte.
O frustone.

il problema è che l’ erba del vicino è sempre più verde, ma dopo due tiri della mia non me ne frega più niente.
(ho rieditato mi avevano spostato le lettere sulla tastiera)

@Sconessa, ganzo il tuo blog. Ora ti seguo.
@France: te ti metti il piumino con il pelo attorno alla faccia e molesti brave ragazze con connessione internet.
@Jack: siamo tutti soli, ma io sono anche di femore corto.

I ricchi si vestono da poveri e i poveri (indebitandosi) si vestono da ricchi.
I ricchi si vergognano di essere ricchi, i poveri di essere poveri.
Ma a differenza della ricchezza, credo che la povertà può essere attraente solo se non sai veramente cos’è.
Bel post!

Si già… Esiste una categoria di persone, uomini generalmente, che pare non abbiano mai freddo..
Io non riuscirò mai a uscire a gennaio con la giacchina di panno e il cencino al collo…