Grazie al cielo ho l’influenza e posso mescolare aspirina, Brunello di Montalcino e coperte avvolte attorno al collo; Andrea diceva sempre che basta mettersi sotto le coperte dopo avere bevuto un bicchiere di whiskey e sudare come pazzi per farsi passare qualunque malattia. Non c’ho mai provato, mai verserei dell’alcol a scopo curativo. La giornata mi è finita alle quattro con quella sensazione di averla fatta storta, come un concerto dei Police venti anni dopo, che detesto: lo sapevo fin dal mattino, è un dono che ho, come quello di indovinare i genitali di chi ho davanti. Parlando di talenti, non sbaglio mai nemmeno il genere di donna che mi capita di conoscere a scuola di mia figlia: so subito se è una mamma (italiana) di maschio o di femmina – le prime si conservano meglio, perché hanno un piccolo amante in casa.
Alle cinque ancora camminavo con i tacchi altissimi, la mia gioia e il mio dolore (fisico): non so cosa farò quando sarò vecchia, forse mi farò fare delle scarpe speciali; tutto, ma non le calzature rasoterra o, peggio, le ballerine: ma cosa sei ritardata, che ti metti le scarpine da danza a cinquant’anni? Mi sono fermata in dieci bar, non riuscivo a trovare la via di casa: ho bevuto il caffè, comprato uno cioccolatino, bevuto un bicchiere di acqua, letto il Tirreno, mi sentivo come cappuccetto rosso nel bosco, solo che era Montecatini – che è infinitamente più piccina della foresta delle fiabe.
Il punto è che ti pensavo, oggi, e non c’entrava niente altro in questa testa rotta. Sarà stata la febbre, sarà che certi giorni fare finta che lavorare sia normale è più difficile, fatto sta che non riuscivo a focalizzarmi su altro che te, me, noi. Noi, suona peggio di una rima baciata. Ho ritrovato delle lettere che mi hai scritto – ti avevo obbligato a farlo, non si dovrebbe mai parlare, solo scrivere – se le confronto con quelle dei ragazzi che ti hanno preceduto sono ridicole. Ti coltivo nella distanza, come le cose sacre, così come si deve rivolgersi a un Dio buono che non si vede invece che ad un totem di legno colorato. Domani sarà una giornata difficile, già lo so. Ti coltiverò nel mio cervello di dietro anche febbricitante, ma solo dopo mezzanotte.
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