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Mi sono appassionata di cibo il giorno che a diciotto anni mia madre mi rimproverò perchè ogni sabato io e il mio fidanzatino spendevamo le nostre paghette in ristoranti aldisopra delle nostre possibilità. Mamma diceva “finisce tutto al gabinetto” (sic), “perchè non fate qualcos’altro?”. Pensai dentro di me che c’era della ragione in quello che diceva ma, al suo contrario, ritenevo che per ogni atomo il finire dentro una fognatura fosse degno, eroico quasi. Quindi proseguivo il mio viaggio fra i soufflè, gli gnocchetti freschi al riccio, il pesce con l’ananas e la meringata fresca di pasticceria.

Evitavo le insalate, le frittate, le paste al forno, tutti i piatti che esprimessero pasticcio dal titolo; mi concentravo sulle pietanze dal nome chiaro, allettante, e possibilmente di colore non rosso. La scena di Nove settimane e mezzo, difatti, mi dava l’onco: chi si può permettere di sprecare quel bendiddio scaccolandosi tutto addosso e sperare di avere fortuna? Nessuno, tanto meno una bionda dalle cosce granitiche. All’inizio bevevo Brachetto, era dolce e frizzante, e mi ci vollero tanti mesi per entrare nel circolo di Harry Potter & Il Vino Buono E’ Solo Rosso e Fermo.

Così, giocando ai grandi, acquisimmo un gusto da gourmet, e iniziammo a diventare piuttosto esigenti in fatto di crostini di carne e prosciutto: si mangia male in Toscana, la Walt Disney dei pauperisti, a meno che non si sappia dove andare e perchè. La cucina povera, infatti, è meno allettante del previsto e i toscani ci marciano sopra da mezzo secolo, proponendo fette di pane secco e cucchiaiate di sugo della mamma la quale, tante volte, sarebbe meglio cucisse invece di cucinare. Salvo eccezioni, la media è accettabile, i picchi sono scadenti – ce lo rimprovano i francesi anche per il vino, forse hanno ragione.

Che c’entra, c’era sempre il posto per una pizza con gli amici, ma in mezzo a quei dischi volanti mi veniva ancora più voglia di carne al sangue, di patate al forno strascicate in farina, rosmarino e pancetta, di piatti caldi appena usciti dalla lavastoviglie con coltelli taglienti. Non mi è mai importato dell’apparecchiatura, anche se apprezzo una tavola coordinata ed elegante, ma non transigo sui bicchieri: se c’è il vino, e se ci sono io c’è il vino, voglio il bicchiere con il collo lungo e il corpo largo e sottile, capiente ma elegante, altrimenti non bevo (e divento rumorosa, litigiosa). Non tollero i calici di Ikea.

In questi anni di sedute a tavola, quasi venti, anche per preparare la venuta di miei clienti, potere suggerire loro cosa mangiare, ho avuto la fortuna di mangiare nei ristoranti migliori d’Italia, Sicilia e Calabria escluse. Ho imparato come esaltare uno chef e a scrivergli lettere di ringraziamento massimo ad una settimana dal pasto; ho anche imparato a scegliere i vini senza farmi prendere in giro dai camerieri – hai visto, hanno preso la bottiglia da cento euro, che cafoni – e ho anche appreso che i piatti con le uova di uccelli che non siano le galline sono in genere i più buoni, quelli da provare assolutamente.

Diffido dei taglieri di pecorino, ma assaggio volentieri formaggi provenienti da aree geografiche diverse, purchè non mi venga proposta la “bufala” di Pienza, ovvero quel formaggio la cui tradizione si sono inventati all’agenzia per il turismo della provincia di Siena. Mangio molta carne, troppa, ma ho imparato i trucchi del mestiere per alleggerire la digestione e non ho paura di un buon amaro. Morirò probabilmente di gotta, anche se ho paura a dirlo perchè l’ultima volta ho fatto questa stessa sparata ad una persona in cura, appunto, per la gotta.

Sarei una persona felice, quasi ben disposta verso la sua faccia ed il suo corpo, se non dovessi combattere con il terrorismo estetico dei giornali, le cui direttrici non hanno il coraggio o la cultura di fermare: sei pronta alla prova costume? Vuoi tornare in forma? Ti senti una patata? Vuoi un prestito per un total lifting della figura? Sai cosa penso? Che una bella donna in costume sia una gioia, che un uomo con gli addominali e le gambe da calciatore sia delizioso, ma mi fulmini un tuono se ho mai passato una cena con una persona che mangia solo insalate  scondite senza alzarmi e sparire di nascosto.

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