Aspettando in fila alla posta non posso fare a meno di pensare a quella canzone strana, quella che mi ricorda intensamente una delle vite che avrei potuto vivere, con un amore in mansarda. Una esistenza piena di egoismo e espressioni serie e sensuali; non come adesso, che devo fare ridere tutti. Che poi è vero che è la gente che fa girare il mondo e le canzoni, bisognerebbe essere più gentili con quelli che ti stanno davanti e dietro alla posta, magari stanno sognando anche loro, può darsi che quelle facce lunghe ci scappino solo perchè corrono troppo con la fantasia. Io faccio solo sogni realizzabili, deve essere una specie di autodifesa.
Tengo in mano il bollettino con una sicurezza: che io lo paghi, non gliene importa niente a nessuno. Sono certa che esiste un ministero segreto per cose non pagate, protocolli non seguiti, burocrazia abbandonata; ci sta una donna, che esamina i casi e, uno dopo l’altro, li risolve con “ma chi se ne frega”. Piglia le cartelle e le butta via – e ci ride sopra. E’ l’unico ufficio dove le pratiche si svolgono in velocità e le cartelline non si impilano.
Faccio la fila, due o tre volte, non capisco dove devo andare: B24? Io ho il 30. Tutti hanno una lettera davanti al numero, ma io no. Quindi quando mi chiamano devo correre da una parte all’altra, senza capire perchè quello che prima era A ora è P, e non so nemmeno cosa vuole dire. Allora riparto, mi vergogno di dire che non sono riuscita a trovare il mio pertugio. Ci sto due ore, e intanto sogno. Sogno di una mansarda, di una vita senza bollettini, senza pratiche, senza nulla di inutile.
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