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Questo sia l’anno in cui ci amiamo meglio gli ho scritto nel biglietto di Natale, noi che non abbiamo passatempi in comune ma non sappiamo fare nulla da soli, noi che ci siamo incontrati ed era inevitabile, ma non abbiamo ancora preso le misure.

Il nostro amore, così diverso rispetto a quello di alcuni amici o a quello che mi ero immaginata, è  profondo e radicato come una malattia ereditaria che non guarisce, stracciato come un panno per vetri dal benzinaio e forte e vile come il filo da pesca. Guardami, sono io dico spesso, quando abbiamo perso la barca, il timone e anche il mare – e lui mi trapassa, non ricorda, e nemmeno io.

Ci si ritrova per sfinimento, siamo nello stesso esercito, abbiamo fatto noi due imbecilli senza testa una cosa così grossa come un figlio, e ci stiamo ancora riprendendo. Apparecchiamo allo stesso modo, beviamo e mangiamo le solite cose, siamo due pinguini reali che seguono l’istinto e rimangono assieme, con un cervello piccolo così. Pensiamo lo stesso pensiero, poi decidiamo sempre per due strade diverse, poi ci ritroviamo alla sosta, per un bicchiere di vino.

Leggiamo sui giornali che l’intimità è importante, due volte a settimana, io non mi ricordo quando siamo stati assieme l’ultima volta e di queste cose non si parla. Ti vorrei baciare, dico, ti puoi  lavare i denti che hai il fiato di un cane? Dice di si, chiede se mi posso cambiare, sono due settimane che mi metto il solito maglione. Già. Accendi la tivù, vai.

Ti ho comprato le mutande nuove. Ascoltami, sono uscita, ho pensato a te che cammini in stanza così magro, ti ho immaginato da dietro, nero dal collo in su, bianco come una lastra di marmo sotto la camicia e i pantaloni, un samurai da autoabbronzante, ti ho visto con le mutande mezze rotte e mi sono fermata in un posto, te le ho prese nuove, mi sembra un pensiero fantastico, così stai più comodo.

Che cosa è l’amore?

Ti devo parlare, ma non vorrei  tu usassi quel che ti sto per dire contro di me al prossimo litigio. Allora non me lo dire.

Non abbiamo avuto un’epifania ad un certo punto, non abbiamo scoperto qualcosa di talmente grosso che poi tutto è cambiato, non abbiamo mai sotterrato nemmeno un’ora del nostro passato facendo finta che non esistesse, che ci fosse stato un disguido. Non abbiamo un’arma segreta con un colpo in canna, non stiamo mettendo via per la pensione perché tutti e due abbiamo sempre pensato di morire presto, sai com’è.

Non ci siamo sposati, perché io vorrei farlo di nascosto nel bosco e lui scendere da un elicottero, perché io sono tirchia e lui è generoso, e lui ha bisogno di me per mangiare e io ho bisogno di lui per vivere. Io lo chiamo mio marito, lui mi chiama la mia ragazza. È l’idea delle bomboniere, per me, insormontabile. Io non sono trombata per queste cose, non ti offendere, ti supplico.

Preghiamo di nascosto uno dall’altra. Preghiamo uno per l’altra. Sono tutti migliori di noi, pensiamo, e abbiamo sempre ragione. Noi siamo quelli che a cena servono a rinsaldare le altre coppie, che quando vanno a casa parlano di noi e ringraziano il Signore di non essere a questa maniera, poi si abbracciano e fanno il quarto figlio. Siamo i meno affiatati. Siamo due generi, specie, elementi diversi. Siamo ridicoli.

Non corriamo assieme. Non giochiamo a tennis. Siamo fuori sincrono ma ci difendiamo come due pecore circondate da un branco di lupi, controlliamo gli scontrini per vedere che non ci freghino; io gli compro il formaggio verde, lui mi compra il pollo lesso e poi io gli mangio il formaggio verde di nascosto perché non voglio ingrassare.

Io pulisco: la casa, la gente, il casino, tutto. Lui apparecchia la casa per la festa, c’è sempre tempo per un festeggiamento, basta non andare a letto, baby, la vita è così corta, per favore non andare a letto. Non siamo vecchi.

Sono un peso per te dice. Si, enorme. Ma sei veramente un bel ragazzo, sempre così elegante, mi riempi l’occhio, ridi con il fischio e quello mi fa schiantare dal ridere. Mi piaci ragazzo vecchio che non è diventato un uomo, sei come me, una ragazza che non cresce e non invecchia, Peter Pan, solo che io sono più maschia.

Siamo due creature deformi che hanno trovato un lavoro, assieme, al circo.

Ho parlato stanotte? Si, tutta la notte, come sempre. Vorrei tanto dormire. Ma hai dormito, hai russato come una vecchia balorda. Oddio! Mi dispiace, davvero? Tutte le notti. Non solo moderatamente grassa, anche sguaiata: che tragedia.

Che sia un anno pieno di questa roba, e poi molti anni, che ci assistano lassù, che ci facciano invecchiare odiandoci e amandoci, probabilmente bevendo troppo ma molto meno di quel che potremmo se non avessimo figliato, ballando sui tavoli come due idioti appena possibile, ritrovandoci mogi nel taxi nero perché domani sarà un giorno di malditesta e perché abbiamo speso troppo, nell’uber che ci riporta da lei, l’unica ragione che abbiamo trovato.

Come mi sta? Sembro finocchio? Come sempre.

Io come sto? Sembri la Navratilova.

Proteggici, sempre.

juanita

50% business, 50% eggs benedict

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