Vi dichiaro fiato e megera.

juanita

Sono tradizionalista, seppure non praticante, e mi piacciono i nomi che rappresentano le cose: matrimonio, morte, pasto, religione, merendina. Per questo motivo non digerisco le altre, le stazionarie, le temporanee: compagno, terminale, apericena, energia e snack. I nomi sono importanti, servono ad assumersi responsabilità, a chiarire prima a sè stessi che agli altri il concetto che vogliamo esprimere, l’obiettivo che vogliamo raggiungere.

Crescendo ho imparato che gli uomini adulti conservano il loro io bambino (immanis pertinax caput membri) utilizzando appositamente parole che confondono: pur di non esserci quando c’è da sistemare la spesa, quando c’è da lavare i figli, quando c’è da scrostare il vater, quando il conto va sotto, quando arrivano i testimoni di Geova, quando c’è da risolvere la mamma vedova o il nonno che se la fa addosso. Allora il maschio, (vir ignavus), farfuglia parole vuote, come “Consuntivo mensile conti e anticipo, piano quinquennale, ufficio, turno, capo, colleghi malati” che acquistano un senso solo quando esce dalla porta per rientrare dopo ore, giorni.

Ho anche imparato che le donne utilizzano la stessa tecnica, purtroppo senza schema, ovvero senza obiettivi. Quando il maschio rientra (dopo i consuntivi) ella va a pescare nel Rocci a caso, e statisticamente riporta “solitudine, peso, spalle, sensibilità, egoismo, p**a (di tu madre), maledetto (giorno), distrazione, lavatrice, cameriera, invecchiando” che assumono un senso solo quando lei esce di senno e comincia a urlare, piangere e infilare la lingua fra i denti come fanno i crotali davanti ai topi, la notte.

Il detto popolare che raccomanda alle bambine che piangono “piangi, che quando (ti) sposi ti passa” difatti non vuole dire quello che si sospetta da piccine, cioè che i problemi trovino una soluzione quando si incontra lui, la creatura il cui fiato si incarognisce giorno dopo giorno; piuttosto significa che i drammi diventano così tanti nella convivenza che una o impara a farci una risata o si può pure fare murare viva nell’ambra, come le zanzare del pleistocene. Quindi propongo che il prete, dopo la marcia nuziale, dopo la cerimonia, dopo che il fotografo ha rovinato ogni secondo di una cerimonia in teoria privata e intima, dica “vi dichiaro fiatello e megera, andate a fanculo”.

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