Vivere contemporanei, Episodio Quattro.

Là, dove ci spinge l’amore.

Cerco di dormire per sempre, certe volte, quando ho paura. E io ho paura spesso: di morire lasciando la mia figlia da sola – ho avuto tutti i vizi. Di sbagliare a dire le cose, perchè non ho filtri: se una cosa mi viene fuori prepotente dalla pancia, la faccio uscire senza stare tanto a misurare l’insieme delle conseguenze – spesso tutto finisce in un campo post-atomico, con rami e case bruciati, e io che ho perso l’elmetto nella deflagrazione. Paura di vivere una vita che non sia la mia perchè sono talmente brava ad adattarmi che non so forse mai, davvero, se ciò che mi piace sia un dono del destino o un accontentarsi felicemente. Allora faccio come da piccina, mi accovaccio sul divano – mai sul letto, che mi dà tristezza così lontano dalle vicende della famiglia, dalla cucina, e cerco di sprofondare nel sonno. Papà diceva che chi ha paura muore ogni giorno, allora io sono già risorta per trentanni.

Continua qui.

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